Being unabashedly free to be yourself is becoming more and more difficult. Imagine, if you will, that you know exactly who you want to be, but the path that your life is currently on won’t allow you to become your truest self. Welcome to the life of NikkiJay, the creator of Quantum Witch. Hailed as a plotformer, Quantum Witch is more than a game. It’s a celebration of life, the commemoration of NikkiJay becoming her truest self, and the story of how she emerged victorious over a Cult that wanted complete control over her. Quantum Witch is a short game, spanning roughly three to four hours. But for NikkiJay, it’s a work of art that took her whole life to create.
First off, I’d like to know a little about you. Can you tell me what inspired you to create ‘Quantum Witch’, and where the inspiration came from?
Oh my, there’s not really a simple answer to that! So, let’s start with the video game aspect of
things. I love games that give the player real choice. Not the sort of choice where you pick from
different flavors of response that all ultimately lead to the same outcome, just with different facial expressions, but choices that can change the direction of the story completely.
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My favorite game of all time is Chrono Trigger, and one of my strongest gaming memories is
realizing that the choice I made about a certain character (I’m not going to name them — even
though the game is 30 years old, there’ll be a new generation of gamers who haven’t played it!)
would affect the rest of the game significantly. It took a couple of playthroughs before I made the choice that gave me the ending I wanted, and that gave me a tremendous feeling of agency and attachment to the characters and story. That was a huge inspiration for what I wanted to achieve with Quantum Witch!
Triggers and Parables Seemingly Make a Great Indie Game
The other big influence was The Stanley Parable, a game that positively lampoons choice
tropes in video games. I loved that you could speed through the game, get an ending, and that
was it! Story done, game finished, all is good, and it was a worthwhile investment of 20 minutes
of your life. But it didn’t stop there. It restarted, a strange version of New Game Plus where you didn’t carry across abilities — rather, you carried over knowledge, and a realization that there was so much more to see if you’d make different choices this time.
That was practically a blueprint for Quantum Witch. However, I wanted to go a little further with
it, making each path through the game a consistent, self-contained story that could be told in
isolation. But if the player ended up curious, pulled in by the lore and characters and intrigued
by the amount of things left to discover, they could start again, taking the knowledge of their
choices and experiencing a different story, potentially with a vastly different outcome, and still have a consistent, self-contained story that enriched the story they got the first time. I
wanted the playthroughs to fill in gaps in the lore and build a more complete picture of the world and its backstory. That was the goal, and from the feedback I’ve been getting from play testers and reviewers, I managed to pull it off!
Inspirations Take Many Shapes and Forms in Life
The inspiration for the story gets a little… messy! It draws on the experiences I had as a child,
brought up in a group that isolated themselves from society, refused certain aspects of medical
care, and used fear to keep control over their members. The themes of the game are based
around breaking free from that type of coercive control, and coping with the effects of it — mostly through dark humor!
It’s a deeply personal game that taps into all types of trauma, but keeps it lighthearted and accessible. It was a sort of therapy for me, turning the horrors of the past into absurd situations that players could laugh at. If, at any point, anyone giggled at something and then immediately questioned if they should be laughing at it, then I have achieved that particular goal! And it’s fine, you can laugh — permission granted!
Creating a game that lays all of your emotions on the table can be difficult. What inspired you to use the medium of video games to tell this story, rather than doing something like a short film? Is it the level of interactability, or something else entirely?
As a child, video games were my escape from the control I was under. They could create worlds where my actions matter, where I had agency, where I could achieve something. From the age of about 10, I wanted to create worlds in games. Because my childhood was characterized by having choices taken away from me, a video game about choice was always going to be the way I ended up telling the story.
I also wanted to make it more accessible, maybe to folks who didn’t want to sit and watch something about trauma and oppression, but could happily enjoy a story that expressed those themes through metaphor and humor.
Additionally (I’m running out of ways to say “also” here), creating a video game has never been easier to do from a back bedroom! There are so many free tools, communities to help you get started, and easy distribution channels that I knew it was a project within my abilities to complete. I believe we’ll see a new wave of video games focused on storytelling, as people get tired of AAA collect-a-thons and flashy graphics that only serve to move you from one area to another.
Heh… “Plotforming” is a Great Pun
There may be 100,000 retro platformers released every day, but if they lose the emphasis on the platforming and focus on the plotforming, we could see incredible storytelling emerge. While it’s beyond difficult to come up with a new puzzle mechanic, art style, or spins on existing tropes, there are a multitude of personal stories out there that could be told. I think it’s such a powerful medium because you’re not a passive observer, but an active participant. Especially in a game like Quantum Witch, where your choices reveal multiple intertwining stories.
Also, I don’t need to leave the house to do it. Bonus!
If it’s not a sore spot to speak about, I was informed that you had been involved in a cult. Without divulging any information about them or personal information, how did that affect you? And how did you finally realize that something may be wrong?
There are a number of things common across most cults.
They control your behavior. The wrong behavior is punished, usually with shame and ultimately with expulsion from the group and shunning. Cults that isolate you from society, forbidding association and friendship with people outside of the group, end up cutting you off from your entire social structure and support network if you are expelled. You literally have nothing if you leave. Eventually, that’s what happened to me. I ended up with nothing, sofa surfing with just a backpack of clothes.
They control your emotions. They tell you how to feel about things, how the leaders/god feels about things, and therefore, you should feel that way, too. If you didn’t feel the way they said you should, then there must be something wrong with you, and you need to work more for the group’s goals. You need to pray more, study the group’s literature more, preach about the group more, etc. etc. So, you end up repressing your emotions, feelings, and who you are as a person. As a baby queer sat in the most sterile, boring halls you could imagine, hearing old men talk in a strangely hypnotic almost-monotone about how great it will be when all the lesbians are dead… I didn’t feel great about myself, put it that way!
“They Control Your Emotions. And They Tell You How To Feel”
They control your access to information. Anything critical of the group was labeled “apostate,” and we were told it was dangerous and originated with the devil. The only safe source of information was the group’s publications.
I always had trouble with it all. My family was at least two generations born into the group on each side, and they had never really questioned it. I started to doubt because the beliefs of the group changed quite regularly. Yet, they still insisted that they were the only ones on Earth with The Truth™. But, if we used to believe something and now we know it wasn’t true, how do we know the belief we replaced it with is true?
What if this new belief turns out to be false in a few years? How could we call ourselves the only ones with the truth if that kept changing? The biggest sign was when one of the few friends I had died because they refused medical treatment, and the group eventually changed their minds and said that it was acceptable to have some of the medical treatment they’d previously said you couldn’t have. And that was a treatment that could have saved my friend.
Of course, that wasn’t something I could express, see the above control mechanisms!
The doubt was constantly there, though, eating away at me. I didn’t have the courage to really come out as myself and leave until I was 18 or 19. Even then, it was much easier to take myself out of the cult than it was to take the cult out of me. The indoctrination, destructive coping mechanisms, and fear stuck with me for over a decade.
When did you realize that the time was right to finally speak about the experiences you’ve had?
It took a lot of introspection, reading philosophy, and learning critical thinking before I was confident I could. I had to get rid of that voice in the back of my mind that kept saying, “But what if they were right? What if god is really mad at you and comes back tomorrow and kills you in all the horrible ways they said he would?”
It took me on quite a journey, exploring other faiths and systems of spirituality, until I realized I didn’t know what spirituality was — I couldn’t get a consistent definition of it! Eventually, I became an optimistic nihilist, which was so freeing. If there is no intrinsic meaning to life, the universe, and everything, then I get to decide what the meaning is!
I get to love the people I love, care for the found family I have, and try to leave the world in a better state than I found it. Coupled with a dash of absurdism, which comes across quite strongly in various parts of the game, it gave me a new perspective and starting point, and I was finally mentally free to speak about what I’d been through. The only thing that was actually stopping me was… me. Frequently, when it comes to things like this, we are our own most powerful blockers.
There’s Never Been a Better Time to Talk About Life Than Now
I knew I could laugh at what had happened by making it absurd, taking the most ridiculous aspects of it, turning them into situations and characters that could serve as metaphors for my experiences. But I made the decision I wouldn’t name the group directly. People still in it don’t realize what they’re in — the ones who figure it out, leave. And naming them would only serve to enforce their persecution complex, backing up their belief that the world is against them.
I have had messages from people saying, “I just saw The Shadies and I think we grew up in the same group…” so I can be subtle when I want to be. But to folks who have been in that group, it’s as subtle as a sledgehammer!
You and I share something in common: the use of humor to deal with extreme trauma. When did you realize that ‘Quantum Witch’ was the perfect outlet for you to utilize this?
When I started the project, I couldn’t draw a convincing stick figure. So, I went through some pixel art tutorials on YouTube, learned some color theory, and the moment I drew a low-resolution woman in a dress with a spinning lampshade on her head as the leader of a group who worshipped her as The Great Lampshaded One, I knew I could make something of it!
More video games are being made and released than ever before. Breaking into the space as not only a solo developer, but a queer woman, is a major milestone. How do you feel about being where you are now?
Honestly, I have no idea where I am! It’s been an absolute whirlwind of a ride so far, and I’ve met so many incredible people, worked with two of my writing heroes, and yet it still feels like I’m completely under the radar and could disappear without a trace at any time. I guess that comes with being in the limbo between completing the game development on my first game and waiting for it to be released. It’s nerve-wracking! I’m determined to push forward, though. So many times, we hear from The Internet that They don’t want women messing up their games, making them all diverse, and that we should go make our own games. Then we do, and They say, “No, not like that. Make games for us in the way we want!”
How do I feel about breaking into the space? I think the people I talk to believe I’ve done that more than I believe it! But I’m proud that I’ve made something that is unapologetically queer, diverse, and tells the story I wanted to tell. That’s something I’ll always have.
What type of impact are you hoping that ‘Quantum Witch’ will make with other members of the LGBTQ+ community, as well as for allies?
There are a lot of queer folks out there who have been through similar experiences. My highest hope for the game is that someone who is going through that type of trauma plays the game and it lets them know they’re not alone. Someone else went through this, came out of the other side, and even managed to make something out of the experience.
Also, a Netflix animated series would be nice. Go on, Netflix, take a chance! We need more animated magical lesbians!
I hope allies understand the obstacles queer creators hit are everything they hit, plus running into places that seem to fly the rainbow flag but refuse to publish anything actually about us! Another wish would be that allies in the industry hire queer people to write queer characters! While representation is nice, there’s a tendency to fall back on stereotypes and cliches, feeling the need to scream “THIS CHARACTER IS A GAY!” every other sentence. The majority of characters in Quantum Witch are some flavor of queer, but they are fully rounded characters with their own motivations and backstories that don’t revolve around the gender they love, or who they don’t love, or their medical history.
Working with Paul Rose and Stephanie Sterling to bring the world of ‘Quantum Witch’ to life sounds like a joy and a half. Do you have any specific memories during the development that just made you smile, or any other moments that you’re incredibly proud of?
Oh, Paul is the reason I was able to write the complex, intertwining, choice-driven stories. I knew all of the story beats I wanted, the characters, the endings, but I had no idea how to string it all together into something coherent with well-paced character development and a consistent lore. He provided a script treatment that showed me exactly how to do it. I learned so much from him.
Steph Sterling is an absolute treasure. I got her interested in the game by pinging her on Bluesky with a video of The Skeleton Who Can See Through Time doing their little skeleton dance, and saying, “Want to write for this game? It’s queer and has skeletons!” She was hooked instantly. Originally, I wanted her to write one of the old god’s lines in just a few scenes, but once she started, she couldn’t stop, and came back to me with an entire chapter of the game. We worked together, integrating it with the wider lore of the world, and a throwaway character she’d written as a joke got developed into someone quite significant, which she was delighted by.
They’re both available for hire, folks! They have the NikkiJay seal of approval, and people with capital letters in the middle of their names are cool and awesome and trustworthy, so take that seriously!
Especially now, being a creator in the LGBTQ+ community seems… terrifying. The world is constantly swaying and changing, and it’s not always for the better. How do you handle the critique and criticism in today’s day and age?
If the critique comes down to queerphobia, I’m able to ignore it quite easily. In fact, it’s a sign I’ve managed to do what I wanted — produce something unapologetically queer! It’s much easier to deal with now that I’m not on Twitter/X anymore. The blocking and moderation features actually work on Bluesky, so any edgelord trolls simply disappear. It’s great! I think I’ll accept that I’ve “made it” once Quantum Witch is listed by that anti-woke Steam curator who lists games simply because they have female protagonists. Do it! Go on! I’ll feel all smug about it!
Yeah, the world is not in a great state when it comes to LGBTQ+ rights and acceptance. It comes and goes in waves; there’ll always be a minority group that far-right groups want their members to target as a way to make noise, usually to draw attention away from other goals they have that will affect the majority, and not just an always downtrodden minority. The current wave of transphobia is currently getting exposed as funded by xenophobia and nationalism. It’s the same story over and over again. All I can do is try to provide some hope with stories and games — and dancing skeletons who can see through time.
The thing is, eventually, there will be people with nothing left to lose. And there’s no greater power for uprising than a group of people, united through their common oppression, who have nothing left to lose. It’s happened before, and unfortunately, I can see it happening again.
Outside of the realm of ‘Quantum Witch’, are there any other games that have been on your radar? Or are there any other games from LGBTQ+ creators that you’d love allies and members of the community to experience?
Again, a big shout-out to Steph Sterling for her narrative work on games like Vampire Survivors and Date Everything. She’s an excellent writer, and you should hire her to write for you. She wrote stuff for Quantum Witch, and I hear that’s pretty great!
I’d also like to shout out Eniko Fox, who made Kitsune Tails, which is the game that SMB3 would have been if Nintendo had put lesbian foxes in it. Check it out!
I would like to thank NikkiJay for taking time out of her busy schedule to chat with me about Quantum Witch. Quantum Witch is available now on Steam.
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