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Vice Blog

Gross Jar Internationale

We were jealous of the U.S. office having the Gross Jar all to themselves, so each office across Europe has decided to make their own jar of grossness.

Without further ado, let's introduce them…

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, we would like to present to you a project of inimitable charm and wonderment, bringing together a veritable cornucopia of grossness from all across Europe. Put your hands together for the magnificent: Gross Jar Internationale.

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THE UK 'GROSS JAR'

Ingredients:
A hairy pig's foot
2 year old apple juice

"To christen our newly acquired jar, we decided to buy a lovely, hairy pig's foot and give it a home within the confines of the jar. We're taking it slowly at the moment – not wanting to shoot our load too early and completely gross it out. We want to see it build and develop into something we can be truly proud of - like watching your little boy grow into a strapping young man. It's been festering there for a week now, emitting a lovely odour of rotting flesh and over the last few days, small, puss-filled carbuncles have started to appear on it's skin. We've now grown quite attached to the jar and have decided to give it a name. Little Richard currently sits in the second draw of a disused filing cabinet, hidden from the world, but eagerly awaiting the chance to emit his toxic fumes and disgust us with his content."

THE DUTCH 'SMEERPOT'

Ingredients
Oringinal Dutch 'Inmaakpot'
A dead pigeon from Dam Square
Urine from Lucretia, a 46 year old prostitute

"You just can't go wrong with quality ingredients like these. The piss started out a dark shade of yellow, but soon enough it has fused with the pigeon's leftovers and their newfound comradeship has brought forth an opaque pinkish red kind of broth. When we open the jar it sounds like opening a fresh can of soda and in no time the whole office is overpowered with the stench of Amsterdam's finest. With the summer heat still ahead of us, this promises to be quite an experiment."

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THE SCANDINAVIAN 'SNUSK-BURK'

Ingredients:
A glass of sewer water (mixed with little bits of a Microsoft 95 manual and some other gross stuff we found in our flooded cellar)
A tube of Pölsa (containing Broth, Corn, Lung, Liver, Heart, Lard, Onions and only 10% fat. Total Atkins! We used to get this stuff at school when I was younger).

"Our basement was flooded a while ago. A floor drain got clogged up, and sewer water started coming in the wrong way. No one noticed and shitty water had filled half the room before it was fixed. We started our gross jar by going down there and scraping up wet stuff from the floor and emptying old computer cord bags that still had yellowish dysentery water in them. We found an old Microsoft Windows –95 manual that had turned into the shit brick it really is, and tore of little pieces of it and threw that in there too. To that we added Pölsa. That's an ancient Swedish dish that people made when they had absolutely nothing left to eat. Pölsa has gotten some new wind with really posh restaurants rediscovering plain food cooking, and doing it with a twist. They're calling it "Lung Mousse" to make it sound more appealing."

THE ITALIAN 'BARATTOLO DELLA MORTE'

Ingredients:
Five rotten rabbit heads
200g of 2 week old beans
Sun-dried rotten cherries
Two C-Style batteries
100ml Fabric softener
A lugie from everyone in the office

"For the Italian gross jar, we decided to elaborate, in a gross key, a traditional recipe: rabbit's heads in creamy cherry and bean sauce. We sent our intern under the white-hot Italian summer to look for rabbit's heads. "The guy at the minimarket stared at me inquisitively", she told us. "After all, I imagine that these guys always try to guess what the ingredients are for, and seeing a cute young girl such as myself walking out with rabbit's heads and batteries must have made his day."

THE GERMAN 'GLAS DES GRAUENS'

Ingredients:
Cloudy, mouldy ice-tea from under our intern's desk
Rotting left over take-away we found on our editor's desk

"At the start both ingredients were a little shy but once they'd realised they'd be spending a lot of time together they really hit it off. A few days later a grey mould foetus formed on the surfaced of the jar. It's hard to tell whether the first gross jar baby is a boy or a girl but it looks just like a miniature version of Ron Jeremy. Ronny Jr. takes after his dad and is growing up fast but still stinks like a mouldy foetus. Of course we realise we could have gone a lot bigger and don't worry we've got plenty of weird shit lined up, but this is about the slow build. We don't want to harm our little baby by making it run before it can walk."