Jon Dore has a television show. Although most of us can agree that Canadian television is fucking terrible, this show is actually good. It's called The Jon Dore Television Show and it's funny. Do you like jokes about poop, scabies, farts, or AIDS? Well, Jon does too! We talked to Jon about being socially conscious (because he has a plan for how to save the world) and afterwards we figured out that Jon is a liar who wastes peoples time. For more information about him, he says to go to www.northamericanlinks.com.PS. We happen to know he's going to be at the Vancouver Comedy Festival on September 20th.So, you have a television show. It's called the Jon Dore Television Show. Can you tell me what happens on the show?I'll answer that. In every episode of our show I investigate a flaw either in my life or that I see in the world, and through a series of real interviews with experts I try to get to the bottom of whether or not I'm fertile, how to make the world a better place for people in wheelchairs, whether or not I have an STD, and at the end I pretty much learn nothing.Well, that's life. So you're shooting a second season, right? What kinds of subjects are you going to tackle?Well, one subject that we're going to tackle is youth violence. I look around, we all do - most of us are able to see - and when we look around, what do we see? Negative violent messages in our media and music and video games. We see a youth culture that's becoming more and more violent, and studies have show that, well I don't know because I haven't checked the studies, but studies do show things, and I'm sure if we take a look at studies they may or may not agree with our thesis. So the point is this: I think it's sad that the kids have role models that encourage them to fire guns and be with dirty, dirty whorish women. What we're going to do is write a song and create a video for children that encourages them to use knives instead of guns. Because let's be honest - fewer people are going to die if we use knives.Yep, they would. But they might die more slowly.Listen, we've overpopulated the earth. We're depleting our resources. Humans are a virus - what do you do with a virus? If you have a cold, well, you kill it. And that's why we should encourage our politicians to pass a law encouraging people to commit suicide if they're feeling suicidal. I mean, why are we prolonging lives when we look at the consumption of our natural resources? There's too many of us.Who are there too many of?Are you talking about a specific race of people?Are you talking about a specific race of people?Are you asking me if there's a specific race of people that I think there's too many of? I'm asking you that question and I'd like you to answer yes or no to that.Yes.And my answer is yeah, absolutely. Next question.So what else are you doing to do to save the world?Well listen. It's one thing to make someone laugh, anyone can do that. Look at Lenny Bruce, Dennis Miller, Bill Maher, Bill Hicks, Richard Prior: all these wacky comedians that don't have a point to their humour. People are getting tired of these people and their wacky antics. People want to be educated. They want to know that people have a point and that's what I'm all about. I have no problem making people laugh. A lot of people think there should be three laughs per one minute of stand-up comedy, I disagree. I think there should be three laughs, period, per forty-five minute set of stand-up comedy. People should leave thinking, "Sure, I laughed, I know he has the POTENTIAL to be funny, but I LEARNED something." And if you're listening to me tell jokes, one thing you're going to fucking learn is that we have to take care of this planet. And the way we do that is by reducing our waste, number one, and you do that by training sharks to eat our garbage. Come on. There's a whole ocean down there that we can use as a resource, and if we train sharks properly I'm sure we can turn it into a rainbow. It's not science, but you know what it is? It's progressive thinking.I heard of a shark who had a half a car in its stomach when it was fished out of the sea.Damn right. Listen, recycling is a fad, much like skateboarding. It's going to come and go. What we need is progressive thinking. I've actually created - and this is a prototype and it's probably going to go big, so this is an exclusive for you - I've designed a solar-powered bike. We're going to solve two problems with it - we're going to reduce fossil fuel emissions and we're also going to slowly kill off the dead weight of the suicidal. We'll harness the suicidal to our bicycle and then, using a magnifying glass, burn their skin until they run to the desired speed.That's a great idea.Thanks. And I'd also like to say no guff.Jon, if you had 10 million dollars but you lost the use of your arms, legs and vocal chords, what would you spend your time doing?Is it in cash?However you want it.I'd probably spend it all on frisbees and then look at my collection and cry.We should photoshop that.A-RASH
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