Words By Adriana Alves and Artur Tavares, Photos By Beatriz Ramello
Ever wondered how a Brazilian without a source of disposable income or a reliable drug connection gets high? Us too. So we asked some buddies of ours down there to sate our curiosity. They gave us three simple recipes for frying up neurons that can be made with crap lying around the house. Just so we’re on the same page, we are not to be held responsible if you try these out and end up catatonic. Seriously, do not do this. We are NOT telling you to do this. Bad things will happen to you and we will not apologize to your mom when you become a drooling vegetable.
But yes, stupid people really do ingest this shit down there.
Water (enough to fill a pot)
A half liter of
Unspool the tape from the VHS cassette and discard the case.
Throw everything (except the guarana powder) in a pot and set the burner to high.
Now sprinkle in the guarana powder to add a nice zing of flavor.
You’re about done when the mixture starts to bubble and reaches the color of boiled Cheez Whiz mixed with diarrhea.
Strain the liquid and pour it in a pitcher.
TESTIMONIAL FROM VHS-TEA DRINKER VALÈRIA DANTAS MOTA:
“It’s kind of a harsh trip—there’s no notion of space at all. I think I sat on my bed the whole time, but I’m not sure. There was a lot of mental confusion. I had mixed thoughts and couldn’t control their flow. It was very confusing and I did it alone, so nobody was there to tell me what was going on. The only things I know for sure are that I wrote a lot of nonsense in a notebook and woke up naked, which is something that never happens. The following day I had a slight hangover, kind of like the ones I get from alcohol. When I told some friends that I drank this tea, they made me scared by saying it contains heavy metals like lead. But I’m OK. There have not been any lasting side effects.”
A can of Crazy Horn, a popular local air horn that can be bought in downtown São Paulo
Take off the horn part (it’s shaped like a cone) and put it in the garbage.
Put your lips around the tip of the aerosol nozzle and press it down.
TESTIMONIAL BY CRAZY HORN HUFFER MAURÍCO TAVARES SOUSA:
“Getting high on the Crazy Horn is the kind of stuff you do when you’re out of options. It’s easy to get, and one can is enough to get a couple of people high. First your head gets a little dizzy and then you start to hear sirens. If you inhale too much, you fall down and then you go completely crazy. There was a time when I inhaled so much gas it seemed like I was in a tunnel full of colors that kept changing. Another time I was at a beach house with some friends, huffing while standing. I was so high that I fainted and hit my head against the floor. People who saw me said I looked as stiff as a piece of wood. Then my friends came to rescue me, but I was having such a good trip—everything was white like snow—that I didn’t want it to end. I told them: ‘C’mon, leave me. I’m so high!’ I didn’t even realize that I had bumped my head.”
LANÇA-PERFUME (AN ETHER-BASED PERFUME USED AT CARNAVAL)
8 fl oz. ether
15 fl oz. chloroform
2 fl oz. grain alcohol or nail-polish remover
2 fl oz. perfume essence
Mix all ingredients in a bowl, preferably covered so that the liquid won’t evaporate.
When it’s ready, pour a bit of the mixture onto a piece of cloth.
Smother your mouth and nose with the cloth and inhale.
TESTIMONIAL BY LANÇA-PERFUME SNIFFER MONICA FIGUEIREDO:
“Many times I’ve inhaled what we call the ‘original’ lança-perfume, the one made in Paraguay that’s sold as air freshener, as well as the homemade variety. The kind you make yourself is good, but it can make you faint if you get too excited. Your feet feel cold, you experience spatial confusion, people’s voices sound weird, your blood pressure drops, and you feel like laughing hard and grabbing somebody. It’s kind of an aphrodisiac.”