It's 5:27 PM on a Friday and I am daydreaming about vacations. I'm officially Cathy. I haven't been on a real vacation like, ever? I mean one of those package deals to some tropical place where they have bingo and shuffleboard and beaches and multiple pools and saunas and shit like that. I have decided that I am going. I wanna be like Liz Lemon on the beach in my tank-skort and black socks with my very own sandwich turtle. My one requirement: POOL BAR. Like, where you can swim up right to the bar and drink whilst half-submerged, sitting on an underwater stool. Requirement #2: A nice, not too crowded beach. Today I begin my quest. Will you help me?My coworkers have all told me to avoid Mexico. Apparently if I go to Cancun I will return home in a body bag with a giant Z carved into my chest. I've gotten several votes for Puerto Rico, which sounds fine to me as long as there is a POOL BAR. Does anyone have any good (and sort of cheap) all-inclusive vacation resorts they'd recommend? I've been combing through Expedia and Bookit looking at "hot deals!" for hours and it's all so overwhelming. Please help!OK, thank you. This has been the first official installment of my exciting new column, Why I'm Not Killing Myself Today (see the two blog posts that inspired it all here and here).Why will I not kill myself next week? Stay tuned!AMY KELLNER
FYI.
This story is over 5 years old.
It's 5:27 PM on a Friday and I am daydreaming about vacations. I'm officially Cathy. I haven't been on a real vacation like, ever? I mean one of those package deals to some tropical place where they have bingo and shuffleboard and beaches and multiple pools and saunas and shit like that. I have decided that I am going. I wanna be like Liz Lemon on the beach in my tank-skort and black socks with my very own sandwich turtle. My one requirement: POOL BAR. Like, where you can swim up right to the bar and drink whilst half-submerged, sitting on an underwater stool. Requirement #2: A nice, not too crowded beach. Today I begin my quest. Will you help me?My coworkers have all told me to avoid Mexico. Apparently if I go to Cancun I will return home in a body bag with a giant Z carved into my chest. I've gotten several votes for Puerto Rico, which sounds fine to me as long as there is a POOL BAR. Does anyone have any good (and sort of cheap) all-inclusive vacation resorts they'd recommend? I've been combing through Expedia and Bookit looking at "hot deals!" for hours and it's all so overwhelming. Please help!OK, thank you. This has been the first official installment of my exciting new column, Why I'm Not Killing Myself Today (see the two blog posts that inspired it all here and here).Why will I not kill myself next week? Stay tuned!AMY KELLNER
