This story is over 5 years old.

Vice Blog


March 2, 2009, 8:58pm

Celebrating Texas Independence Day is less important to us here than eating a grave cake on Tomb Sweeping Day. Closest we've come to caring is fond childhood memories of getting into a fist fight with a future Miss Texas, which turned into a best friendship of ghost story exchanges, fierce vagina fart contests, and taking LSD at the mall, and that happened thousands of miles away from that state. But we found one true Texan to weigh in on how to best celebrate this federal holiday, and no that (surprisingly) doesn't involve varmint-shooting or hog-lassoing...

Even though Santa Anna whooped our butts for another month and a half, March 2, 1836, marks the creation of the Republic of Texas. As a Texan living in New York, I ask all y'all down in the Lonestar State to please gorge yourself at a Luby's Cafeteria today. I would personally order the LuAnn Platter, one meat: fried fish with tartar sauce and two vegetables: mac 'n' cheese and mac 'n' cheese. Finish with a slice of coconut cream pie.

For all other displaced Texans or people plain looking to try something new, try this heavenly time bomb. If you left Texas you probably moved somewhere very far away. I think there's nothing wrong with never leaving Texas.