You’d imagine those parties where “adult lifestyle” company reps come over to your house to flog frilly knickers and sex toys to be a prudish affair involving frumpy, middle-aged, middle class women mortified by the thought of coming into contact with any type of battery operated object. And this, to a vast extent, is true. I recently went along to a lingerie party organised by an adult entertainment company in the exciting setting of the seventh floor of a high-rise tower block in Plaistow, east London. This would not really be much to talk of, if it were not for the fact that company rules strictly state that no men are allowed at their parties.
STORY BY JOHN MCDONNELL
PHOTOS BY SANNA CHARLES
The party took place at the flat of a girl called Infinity. That’s her drinking a shot. To be allowed in, I needed to convince the lingerie rep, Cynthia, that I was a girl. I thought it best to keep my hood up, my mouth shut and not make eye contact with anyone. That’s me on the right, feeling really weird and alone.
Here is Cynthia. She was like a cross between Alan Partridge and Bubbles from Little Britain.The girls had strictly warned her before my arrival that despite looking like a man, I was a woman and she was not to offend me by questioning this. And to my astonishment she never did.
The fun began with a game where “Cyn” would say a letter of the alphabet and then we had to shout out a rude word. Like “P” for penis. Sometimes the girls couldn’t think of a naughty word and so shouted out non-offensive words like “injection”, which made everyone laugh.
Cards with pictures of people having sex were given to the first person who managed to say a rude word. Whoever had the most cards at the end of the night won prizes such as anal beads or French Ticklers or chocolate willies so the girls took the game very seriously.
Before being allowed to shout the rude word, you had to grab hold of a dildo placed in the middle of the floor. The girls were really going for it and diving to grab the dildo before anyone else could. I didn’t really join in. I might have given the game away and I’m not really a fan of dildos.
Cynthia brought along an interesting selection of sex toys. These included things like erotic candles, scented lubes, bondage tape, costumes, outfits, masks and lots of different vibrators and dildos. Here we see a selection, including the classic “Rabbit” taking centre stage. Feast your eyes on it..
This is Jade (left) and Rudey (right). After a couple of drinks of Aftershock, the girls started to get a bit frisky. At this point, I was starting to feel really, really hot. I went to the kitchen, got two ice cubes and rolled them around in my mouth to cool down.
Then we played games in teams, where we had to do weird things like unwrap sweets wearing rubber gloves. Was this something to do with improving sexual technique? I have no idea. Anyway, the losing team had to go outside the front door and do a big forfeit. Ha ha!
Forfeit time! Thembi had to run up and down the walkway on the 7th floor of the tower block shouting, “I love cocks!” while kids in the car park below heckled her. If this was me, I’d be totally embarrassed but she seemed to take it on the chin.
We had a break every 20 minutes to go and down some more shots of Courvoisier and blue Aftershock. What is in that stuff? It’s like distilled mouthwash mixed with SodaStream syrup and petrol. It makes you feel really fucked up.
After a couple of hours the girls kept flashing their bums and trying to pull each other’s trousers down. At points, Cynthia had an expression on her face like Saddam’s before he was hanged. i.e. barely suppressed rage mixed with total fear.
Cynthia said that a good way to test the vibrators was to press the tip of them beneath the end of your nose and if it made you sneeze, then it would definitely do the job. I tried one out but it had no effect. It seemed to work for Sonia though.
Just to be sure, she got Rudey to try it out. She did this by “giving ‘er one from be’ind” to Sonia. Kimberley (right) was pretty embarrassed by this.
Soon after, Infinity showed that the vibrator is not just some type of instrument for sexual pleasure, but instead, with a little belief, it can become a beacon of hope that can change the way we look at the world and bring entertainment to others, i.e. a microphone.
This is a photo of Lena, Infinity’s mum. According to the girls, she was very flexible and could still do the splits. She was also a total rager. The girls said that if Lena was at the party then they’d be behaving a lot less subdued than they were tonight.
Here they are, being totally subdued.
The girls couldn’t wait to try on some outfits, yet Cynthia didn’t seem so keen and kept saying that it was almost time for her to go home.
Jade told Cynthia she couldn’t afford to buy anything so was informed that she wasn’t allowed to try any outfits on. Despite this, she went and put on a nun’s habit anyway. Check her out!
Rudey opted to wear an interesting but fun take on an air stewardess uniform. Cynthia was very keen to leave by now. She hurried the girls up and packed up her suitcase of sex toys.
“Phew! I don’t have to pretend I’m a girl anymore.” Thank you, girls! Thank you, Cynthia! Thank you, lingerie parties in the hood! Thank you, world!