This article originally appeared in VICE Australia.
For most people, their first experience touching someone else's junk is awkward, surprising, and pretty hard to forget. Whether it was in a movie theatre, in the back seat of a car, or under the covers at a friend's sleepover, fumbling with a dick is usually a gateway experience into a whole new complicated world.
We asked some young people from around Australia to relive their first experience. Were they surprised by how it looked? What about how it felt? And, ultimately, how did that first interaction affect their journey towards being a sexually active adult?
I was 16 years old. I was at a party, talking to this guy on the front lawn. He was in the year above me at school and was straight. We were discussing how I was a virgin and I had never done anything with a guy before. I mentioned that I'd looked at guys but had never touched when, suddenly, he put my hand down his pants. He was hard. I was nervous, but I was excited too so I kind of just went with it all. I lost my virginity that night too. We eventually moved to his car, and well, he's definitely gay these days. I'd never done anything but it was weird how I knew just what to do. Honestly, I'd seen that much porn beforehand I had a good enough idea. It was super classy.
My first experience was when I was 15 and had been with my boyfriend a few months. He was almost 17. At the time I thought I was ready and we were in love. My first time touching it also resulted in also my first blowjob. I soon realised I was too young and not ready to do it, but of course I felt it was rude to just stop. So I finished and managed to hold in the sick stomach feeling until I got home where I could finally vomit. I think I felt more sick from the act of doing it: The entire time I was thinking too young, too young. He is going to leave you, what are you doing?
Looking back now, it was likely just my brain overthinking as per usual, but I was a complete virgin when I met him. I was proud of my reputation and I thought I may have now lost that respect. I could no longer say I'd never done anything before. That was a huge fear of mine but my boyfriend was totally accepting of it and was keen to wait until I felt ready again.
So I thought I was just going to be hanging out with this guy I was seeing, maybe make out, roll around the bed at most. Then I swear I blinked and all of a sudden his dick was out and he wanted me to touch it. I was trying so hard not to laugh. To mask it, I did touch it and I remember thinking it was squishy like those toys you have when you're a kid.
Can I just say I was traumatised by this. I was 15. He was older and I really liked him but I distinctly remember looking out the window of his bedroom—it was a raining, misty day—and thinking I just don't want him to do anything to me. I was so insistent that my clothes were staying on. I even remember the underwear he was wearing, they were this bright blue with a black band around the top. I definitely just think of that experience every time I see that colour.
Afterwards I called someone and asked, "Are they all this weird?"
Sarah, 26 It was in a cinema and I was so grossed out about touching it. It felt sweaty, strange, and not like anything I'd touched before. I was 12 years old. I immediately wanted to pull my hand away. Not understanding what a handy was at the time I thought it was just holding the penis for a little bit. I just sat there holding it, staring straight ahead at the screen.
He told me to rub up and down, so I did that a couple of times, but for most of the movie I sat there with his sweaty, weird penis in my hand. When I left I went straight to the bathroom to wash my hands and then when I got home I sat in the bath. I felt so dirty and so guilty because I thought I should have told my mum. We never kept secrets from each other but I'm glad I kept this one. It was a long time until I touched another one again.
My first experience with a penis was when I was 15 years old in a park one Saturday night. When I saw it I had no idea what to do next. So then he asked for head and I was like, "Ahh… okay." I sucked the tip and obviously it didn't make anything happen. I remember thinking, Am I doing this right, is he enjoying this? I'm pretty sure I had Googled it beforehand.
All my other friends were around drinking and hooking up at the same time. After I remember feeling shocked and grossed out. When I got home my mum asked whether I'd had fun and I kind of shrugged it off and asked whether could get Maccas. I distinctly remember a few weeks later my friend gave him head, made him cum, and I was devastated.
For most of the movie I just sat there with his sweaty, weird penis in my hand.
Courtney, 21 I met this guy on Tinder and it was weird because I'd got a few dick pics before but this was the first time I'd ever seen one in real life. He knew I wasn't very experienced because when it came out, I was just looking at it. After a while he just said, "What the fuck? Just touch it." I was just thinking why is it so hard?
I had so many questions to ask so I started asking with does it bounce when you walk? Does it float in water, can you control it? He was alright with it but I think he got annoyed towards the end, which was valid—I was interrogating him with his dick out. When I was giving him a hand job, I was a bit in shock. I remember saying, "Oh my God, so the skin moves with it?"
He was fine, but it was a really foreign experience for me. Obviously because I don't have one. I was the last one left of my friends to do anything like this, so afterwards I called someone and asked, "Are they all this weird?"
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All illustrations by Michael Dockery.
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