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All the ​Clients I've Encountered During My 12 Years as a Male Escort

From people who want crazy positions, to those who want to use every prop going.
Simon Doherty
London, GB

(Illustration: George Yarnton)

Sex work sells. In fact, an estimated 72,800 people in the UK sell it. The media knows this, which is why stories involving female sex workers are very easy to come by. Male sex workers, however, do seem to remain somewhat of an enigma.

Figures into how many men sell sex paint an ambiguous picture; studies in the past have suggested that they may make up as much as 17 percent of the trade, whereas others argue that it could be less than 5 percent. But due to the often covert nature of sex work, academics can struggle to get a real sense of what's going on.


A couple of weeks ago we looked at the different types of clients a 22-year-old female escort had encountered during her time on the job. Wondering what the differences would be between that and the world of male escorting, I spoke to Michael, a 58-year-old who's been in the business for 12 years, about all his different clients.


I had a client with a real thing for trifle and cream. He always wanted to be covered in it; I had to put about three covers on the bed each time. Another one had a fetish for a high-powered hose – I have a distinct memory of turning it on him one night at about 2AM, and he was really getting off on it. There have been two who loved nettles, so I always made sure I had some growing in the back garden. I'd rub them all over their bodies.

I also have a current client with a dirty sock fetish. It started with him wanting to smell my socks and have them placed onto his face. Now, I prepare well for him; I'll have a pair of special socks in my house and, every morning, before I have a shower, I'll wipe them under my arm and put them in a zip-locked bag ready for when I see him. He's bought a couple of pairs, too.


I've become known for being able to fuck in positions that nobody has ever even seen in a porn film. My signature move is what I call the "helicopter fuck": the client is on all fours facing the wall and I'm facing the other way as I reverse in. I can penetrate them from behind, arse-cheek-to-arse-cheek, and spin a full 360 degrees while doing it. That's not bad for a 50-odd-year-old. Many clients have read about this in my reviews and specifically request it.


These clients come up with scenarios that are so farcical that they're totally unrealistic. They want to fuck in a graveyard, or be humiliated in a really public place like a high street. Some will say they want group sex, and ask: "How many guys can you get?" So I say: "Okay, you understand they're all going to be escorts, right? If you want that you'll have to pay 50 percent upfront."


Working with disabled clients is quite a big part of the job. I wish I could help people in that situation more – they have needs like everyone else. Years ago I used to see a guy who was in a wheelchair, and he said that he once rang an escort and when he told them about his disability they hung up. That made me so fucking angry; I thought, 'How dare you.' If any escort has an issue with someone because they have a disability, they are not fit to be in that line of work.

I've had plenty of clients who use sign language – sometimes we have to write things down, but we always manage to communicate fine. I had an extraordinary experience once where I had to meet a client's parents. This client – who was connected up to various monitors due to his disability – had been seriously ripped off by various escorts. I was very impressed with the parents; they wanted to meet me so they could feel comfortable first. So I had lunch with them before the deed, and after they even gave me a bed for the night.


READ: These Volunteers Give Handjobs to the Severely Disabled


Some clients want certain things ready for them when they arrive. I have one client who has his own box in my room because he is so into leather and rubber clothes. He's also paid for loads of toys, which are in there, because he loves fisting. He insists that a new bottle of poppers is waiting for him when he arrives for a session.


These clients do get special privileges. If I'm spending time with clients who take me abroad, for instance, I'll negotiate at a special rate. If they want to book me I'll clear my diary. These types of guys might book me for like 22 hours, so if I've got a booking for an hour I have to apologise and postpone it.


The biggest challenge of my job is when prospective clients book and never turn up. I get a lot of people who talk the talk but then just cancel. Common excuses include: "I can't get my sat nav to work," "My sister has had an accident" and, "I've been told that I need an operation." I often don't know if they've bottled it, or just get off on the booking, in which case they've got what they want.


One of the challenges of my job is trying to get prospective, first-time clients over that threshold of nerves. It is an anxiety-ridden scenario for them; they are meeting a stranger. I always think that it's like the process for people the first time they get a tattoo. Despite everything I put on my profile to put them at ease – and my website is very detailed – they are still scared. Some of them think that when I fuck them for the first time I'm going to tear their arse apart, which I'm not. I'm very professional; I always take my time and offer them original formula poppers.


About 99 percent of my clients are male; female clients are rare. But occasionally I'll get a young posh girl who brings prosecco.


This doesn't happen often. They say that they're going to their car or the cash machine and don't come back. Usually escorts ask for money upfront, but I don't make an issue of it. My reasoning is if I give them an experience that meets or exceeds their experience, they are going to tip. But if you get the money first you don't get that tip. It's like going into a restaurant; you don't tip the staff until they do a good job.


"Michael, darling, can you come to my place?" they say when they ring at 2AM. It's usually a flat in Kensington, or somewhere like that. You turn up, the place is wrecked and they are completely off their faces. They try to pour champagne and it falls on the floor. It doesn't usually get better.

@oldspeak1 /

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