Our Rules For Hiding a Hangover at Work

Hiding your hangover isn’t always necessary —shout out to the bosses and managers who let us lie on the floor and snooze at our desks — But if you need to get through your work day without your ungodly state being detected, here’s our best advice: 

1. Shower. Please. Not getting some soap through your hair and pits will be your biggest regret, no matter how shit you feel when the day begins. 
2. Bring your toothbrush to work. Alcohol has a way of staying on the body and the breath, so it’s good to clean up a few times throughout the day. 
3. The first hour of your day is the only time you should interact with your boss. Give them an energised morning greeting and avoid them for the rest of the day. 
4. Black coffee at 8, but stop there. Continuous coffees will dehydrate you, which is the last thing you need today. 
5. If you’re actually trying to pretend you’re not hungover, explain away the sleepiness and sweat by claiming you got up at 5am and hit the gym. 
6. Weed is your friend. A lot of people find a cheeky spliff stimulating and stabilising. Don’t overdo it though. 
7. Lower the brightness on your screens. 
8. Pile on the deodorant. The dank, sweaty hangover smell is real and rude.
9. It’s tempting in the morning to put on something comfy and ugly… but it’s a dead giveaway that you feel like shit. 
10. Putting on an outfit you know you look fire in will get your head in the game to power through the day. 
11. Figure out what you need to do today. Put your focus only on those things and don’t offer to do anything else.  
12. If you can hit up a cafe on the way to the office grab a bloody mary and chug it down. Never a beer. 
13. Gonna throw up in the office? Head to the most private bathroom. Switch on some music. Even if your colleagues know what’s happening, they don’t need to hear it. 
14. Berocca and Hydrolite are godsends… and often found in a receptionist’s draw. 
15. Eat a small, dry breakfast. We know it sucks, but it’ll lessen your chances of bringing it back up.
16. Say your hellos while you have the energy to fake it. It’ll create the lasting impression that you’re focused and sober. 
17. Have a wank when you wake up. Busting a nut will give you just enough serotonin to get going.
18. Take 5 mins before you head out the door to make your hair look good. It makes all the difference in appearing put together.
19. No more alcohol. Hair of the dog may pep you up for an hour or two, but everyone will see right through you when you fall asleep in your 2pm meeting. 
20. Don’t bring attention to your hangover by missing out on obligations.
21. But…if important calls, jobs or meetings can wait till tomorrow, reschedule them ASAP. 
22. Don’t sniff too hard. Our noses have a way of storing last nights crumbs and you don’t want to accidentally do a tiny bump while talking to your boss. 
23. Don’t put your trust in your afternoon-self to get your must-do jobs done. If you don’t wanna do it now you’re not gonna do it then. 
24. Nap at lunch if you can. 
25. Or just… don’t stop drinking. Drinking so much the night before that you’re drunk at work instead of hungover is a risky technique, but hey, who’s to tell you what you can and can’t do.