People Are Reverse Catfishing on Dating Apps Now

You’ve likely heard of the term catfishing, which involves presenting a false version of yourself (or a completely different identity) online, usually to attract romantic interest. However, some daters are reverse catfishing to find more authentic connections…

Reverse catfishing often involves using unflattering photos or downplaying the more superficial parts of yourself in order to find genuine connections.

When it comes to critiquing someone’s appearance on dating apps, we really only have their best photos to go by. Most of the time, dating app users wouldn’t use their worst pictures to try to secure dates. However, with reverse catfishing, this might be the case.

What is reverse catfishing?

Reverse catfishers typically want others to match with them for deeper reasons than beauty or status. So, they decide not to center those qualities.

“It makes sense to me that someone who repeatedly matches with people who fawn over them and show little interest in getting to know them ‘on the inside,’ might downplay appearance and amplify other traits,” psychotherapist Maggie Vaughan, MFT, PhD told Well+Good. “Downplaying your looks is no better or worse than posting only your best photos, which is what most people do. As long as the photos are actually you, it’s not dishonest.”

In addition to their appearance, however, some reverse catfishers might also avoid highlighting their financial success or career accomplishments, hoping to match based on depth and compatibility. 

On the other hand, others might simply want to avoid any added pressures of meeting the expectations others have of them. Undoubtedly, if you’re sharing your best pictures and moments, you’ll create an idealized version of yourself (as many of us do). This can cause others to put you on a pedestal, which is a dangerous place to be in dating.

Catfishing vs. reverse catfishing

Catfishing in its original form is creating a false or enhanced version of yourself online, often to pique romantic interest. This might involve using heavily edited photos of yourself, lying about your accomplishments, or faking compatibility with someone to get them to like you.

Reverse catfishing, on the other hand, is pretty much the complete opposite. It involves downplaying your attributes so you can form a more genuine connection with other daters.

Are they both forms of manipulation? Well…according to Dr. Vaughan, “All profiles are a manipulation designed to attract a potential mate,” she told Well+Good.  “If you’re merely presenting yourself in a particular light, that’s to be expected.”

Should you be a reverse catfish?

As someone who (unfortunately) has had a ton of experience on the dating apps, I’ve learned a thing or two about creating the ideal profile—and neither of them involves catfishing or reverse catfishing. 

As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, you should just be yourself. 

I know, I know…that might seem like the most basic advice, but there are ways to highlight your true self on the dating apps (or on social media in general). For example, you can showcase your personality and sense of humor through prompts, share non-edited yet flattering photos of yourself in your element, share about your passions, and simply state what you do for work. 

Rather than intentionally overselling or underselling yourself, present yourself as you are.

In order to do this, you must first know, accept, and embrace yourself. Don’t try to appear like a free-spirited hippie when you prefer a more structured and stable lifestyle. Don’t pretend to be a scholarly bookworm when you’re actually a social butterfly who’s always down to party. 

There is no right or wrong way to be. Showing up exactly as you are will attract the right suitors.