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10 Reasons Why Diplo Is The EDM Jesus

A bit like the 10 commandments, but less preachy, and about Diplo...
August 29, 2014, 6:43pm

Diplo – what a concept. The Mississippi-born DJ-cum-super producer has been grinding away at becoming one of the world's biggest EDM stars for over a decade now, from his relatively humble production beginnings on the generally overrated 'Sound & Fury' in 2002, to his status as one of the top ten earners in the money sodden game – the man comes across like a bit of a music industry G. Not in a low-riding Suge Knight bray-you-half-to-death-with-a-champagne-bottle way, more in a quasi-religious, follow-this-man-for-he-is-the-light kinda way. Honestly.

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That seemingly effortless segue into religion, is crowbarred into this piece for nothing, as there are a few actual comparisons to be made here. What with the recent PLUR-baiting Kandi ban, Diplo's knack for having actual opinions that go beyond the cake-throwing-as-entertainment variety (as aired in this week's Billboard cover interview), not to mention the fact he's made some of the finest pop-bangers of the past decade (something even Jesus didn't get around to), we thought it was time we pieced together a roughly hewn list of ten reasons why Thomas Wesley Pentz is almost exactly like the Son of God.

DIPLO SAYS WHAT THE FUCK HE WANTS

The Billboard cover feature is just the latest outing for Wes Pentz to air his views on anything from the current state of DJ talent (too conservative), to how much he does or doesn't earn (not as much as you'd think, apparently). Some of his choicest words on various topics are:

"When it comes to die-hard, facts-on-the-ground politics – she's nothing" (on M.I.A.)

"The song with Todd Edwards makes me feel like I'm alone at Waffle House and the jukebox is broken and only Michael McDonald plays out of it" (on Daft Punk's 'Random Access Memories')

"They don't even care about the music anymore. It's about the experience and hearing things that are really familiar and comfortable over and over again" (on kids at raves)

"She didn't really know what she was doing. She was really abusive" (on M.I.A. again)

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HE TURNS WATER INTO WINE (NOT LITERALLY)

Errr - in a musical sense that is. Though Pentz has been accused of sculpting a career from jacking a whole tonne of music from various 'world music' scenes, what he has become skilled at is shining a proverbial light on developing music (water), bolstering them up with some top flight pop connections, and spewing them out the other side ready for mass consumption (wine) – though that's as far as we're going with that analogy. However as an ambassador for burgeoning creative scenes around the world, you could do worse, plus when things go really right you get bangers like this so…

HE DRESSES LIKE A FUCKING DON

Sandals and plain linen were standard back in the first century, but I'd like to think if the actual Messiah was around today, he'd turn up being all like…

HE CARES ABOUT YOUTDEM

As a young man growing up in Orlando, Florida, the young Messiah attended his fair amount of drug-fuelled parties. As commented on in the past, that education allowed him and his peers to learn how to get fucked up responsibly, as opposed to heading to Electric Daisy Carnival, boshing four dodgy pills and hoping for the best. Consistently speaking out for the 1.26m fans that follow his Twitter account, the man knows that with great rave, comes great responsibility; "we're such a conservative culture that we'd rather not talk about the things kids want to do, even though they're going to do them anyway. We'd rather ignore it to solve the problem" – gospel from the man himself.

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HE TELLS YOU WHAT YOU LIKE, BEFORE YOU LIKE IT

Much like Jesus bringing about a changing of the tide that saw Christianity sweep across the Middle East, Diplo can spot a good trend when he sees one. This is the man that told Beyonce that 'Run The World Girls' was "too old" and that Madonna's 'Give Me All Your Lovin' was "a flop". Aside from the pop game production shifts, he's currently concentrating on his beloved ghetto bass, so you know what's gonna be getting 'roid  addled ravers "turnt up" come 2016.

HE'S ALL ABOUT RESPECT AND SHIT

Yes he banned Kandi, and yes he has had a pop at the PLUR family in the past (someone has to right?). But you gotta admit he's had a pretty all-encompassing take on music and music fans over the years - just look at him here trying hard to embrace the PLUR handshake – for a man pushing his forties he's at least given the breaking down of age barriers and mutual respect a pretty decent shot…

HE SPEAKS THE GOSPEL  

Yeah he likes to run his mouth at various targets whenever he goddamn likes to, but there's more to Diplo than just straight hyperbole. Jesus may have spoken the words "I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man comes to the father but me" but Thomas Wesley Pentz recently tweeted this particular truth:

Which to be fair, was just lifted from Shy Glizzy's rampin' 'Awesome', but still.

HE CAN LITERALLY WALK ON FUCKING WATER  

If you can classify baying dance music crowds as water, which for the benefit of this article you most definitely can. The EDMessiah has a habit of climbing into a rubber sphere at gigs and running across the heads and hands of his fans, which can be fun if you like that sort of thing, but occasionally looks a bit lame to be honest.

HE AIN'T BOUT DAT CASH

Jesus taught his followers to "not lay up yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume, where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven".  As a man who charges between £25,000 - £30,000 per beat to clients like Usher, Beyonce and Chris Brown, and is estimated at earning around £7m this year, Diplo likes to think of himself as leading a relatively Spartan lifestyle: "I don't even have a house. A lot of DJs don't realize they're here today and gone tomorrow. They're literally taking jets to every show. It's crazy how much money they're spending." We hear you, brother.

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DIPLO KNOWS HOW TO RAGE

Yeah he likes to indulge himself in the Steve Aoki habit of crowd surfing, which is actually pretty wack and has fuck all to do with being here "for the music" (a favourite term of our boy Wes'), but he also bowled up to the 54th Grammy Awards with his own hip flask, made a film with Snoop Doog that was basically about how to make an album whilst smoking your own body weight in weed, and used to have quite the habit of getting fucked up with former production partner Switch back in the day. I imagine the last supper was pretty vibes, but did it have baille funk, hip-hop royalty and shit loads of twerking?

Louis Cook

Follow the gospel, the light and the truth here: @diplo

Louis Cook on Twitter: @LouisMusikal