Look: While we don't want to talk about it all the time, we're well aware over here that the name of our website is MUNCHIES. Hell, we have a (very excellent) show called Bong Appetit, dozens of ganja-infused recipes, and more than one guide to turning just about any food you enjoy into a vessel for stoned-itude. (That's a word, right?)
But then, there's the consideration of what to do when you're already stoned. We can tell you how to make all of the best stoner snacks on the planet, sure, but realistically, you very well may find yourself parked in front of a TV, computer, or phone screen, attempting to ground yourself in reality (or flee far from it) by indulging in the utter strangeness that is the internet and its literally endless deluge of music, sex, plants, ugly cats, beautiful babies, instructional videos, cheese pulls, articles about curry that comes with edible anal orbs, and, you know, all other things that the human brain tends to fixate on.
Videos are nice. We like videos, and have plenty of our own. But if you eat so many pot brownies that you're high for three straight days and subsequently run out of those, here are our favorite things to watch on the internet when you're baked, friend.
TheFoodReviewer's Spiritual Pizza Journey
Proving once and for all that the Buddha was totes eating Domino's underneath the bodhi tree when he attained enlightenment, TheFoodReviewer's Spiritual Pizza Journey is arguably the most critical work of metaphysical introspection of our generation. Lose yourself in the immaterial beauty that is a Masshole teenager awkwardly reviewing a Domino's pan pizza and come out the other end a changed person—one who understands that the true meaning of life is much like the evolving contours of a single, burnt pepperoni. After all, time is a flat circle, right?
Weber Cooks How to Make Chili Cheese Nacho Dip (Sad music included)
The Man. The Myth. The Legend. In an ideal world, every single American with an internet connection would be mandated to watch Weber Cooks once a day. Also, Steven Reed's visage would be carved onto Mount Rushmore. Is there a single better pairing for canned chili and nacho cheese than a pair of dead, steely eyes and some sad creative commons music? We sure as hell think not.
Skateboarder Spills Coffee
LOL. *starts video over* ROFLMAO. Bro.
Dancing Cow in Mexico
Mountains may crumble, civilizations will rise and fall, but Dancing Cow? He (or she? no udder?) is eternal.
Who's in there? How did they learn to dance like that? Forever tempting us to purchase the quenching milk of its brethren as it holds up a mirror to society, Dancing Cow is that faint whisper you hear in the back of your skull on lonely nights. It is very truly and actually lit.
JoeysWorldTour ASMR Cringe Challange [sic]
WARNING: Only watch this video if you have no lingering attachment to your sanity or if you've done so many dabs, you can't really tell where your couch starts and your body ends. Whether it's the way that every single time JoeysWorldTour lustily mutters "muchachos" (it sends a chill down our spine) or the realization that the man is basically the ungodly combination of Alex Jones and Tim Heidecker, JoeysWorldTour ASMR Cringe Challange [sic] will leave you with the feeling that you've lost something or someone dear to you, while simultaneously making your insides scream like a horcrux. He's baaaaaaaack!
Amazing and Satisfying Cake Decorating Moments Compilations #2
Look into the mirror and seriously ask yourself this question: Does Tiësto's grandmother bake cakes and have an interest in YouTube compilations? Take a gander at Amazing and Satisfying Cake Decorating Moments Compilations #2 (far superior to Amazing and Satisfying Cake Decorating Moments Compilations #1) and we're pretty damn sure you'll know the answer to that question. If there's one thing you take away from this video, it should be that nothing goes better with sped-up footage of someone creating intricate fondant roses than late-90s house music.
Charlotte Diamond - I Am a Pizza
If you never fucked with children's folk singer Charlotte Diamond when your age was still in the single digits, we pity you. Without Diamond, we would not have known that each of us is a flower, growing in life's garden and that the minimum number of hugs that you should accept each day is four; she's like the female Raffi, though a little less Cat Stevens and a little more Barney & Friends. But more importantly, we would not have the melody and lyrics to this pizza-themed song stuck in our head for all eternity, French verses and all. Her pizza-making tactics in the video are highly questionable, as she opts to layer the cheese over all of the other toppings, what in the hell? But if you watch this a few times in a row, you just might start to understand that I am a pizza, you are a pizza, and we are all, truly, pizzas.
Fruit carving : How to carve the curling elements
This is two minutes and ten seconds of pure artistry. Dude, that was an apple! And now it's, like, a flower! Or wait—that's not an apple. That's like some weird radish. Do we have more chips?
The Bullet Express
This, like most works of Wolfgoreshow's oeuvre, is less a stoner zone-out sort of experience and more of a "when will this DMT-fueled nightmare end" sort of experience. But that's not to say you can't enjoy facing death in the form of a demonic Magic Bullet when you're high AF. Tell Satan we said hi.
The Martha Stewart Show Blooper Reel
OK, so we're not saying that Martha Stewart smokes weed, but we are saying that Martha Stewart is absolutely delightful to watch when you have been smoking weed, which is why her ever-growing friendship with Snoop Dogg is starting to make more and more sense. Watch as she giggles to the point of unsuccessfully repressed tears as guests get pumpkins stuck on their heads and make highly suggestive jokes about the size of sausages. Isn't she lovely? She's like the grandma we wish we had but all of our grandparents are dead and that's sad and let's not think about it right now.
Melting Blocks Of Cheese
Cheese really represents the ephemeral nature of existence; ever-changing form, seeming so solid and then rendering to a gooey, shapeless liquid when exposed to the cruel flames. Wait, what? Listen to the soothing white noise of a gas torch as a variety of cheeses are reduced from sharp-edged cubes into bubbling liquids. Just play this on repeat on a TV instead of getting a fireplace.
Julia Child & Jacques Pepin - Favoriete [sic] Sandwiches
Julia Child and Jacques Pepin, two of the illest and most legendary people ever to grace food television, got together to make some of their favorite sandwiches. It's pure magic, the Biggie and Tupac duet of cooking. Best line, via Julia: "I like beer." Did we mention that one of the sandwiches is freakishly huge?
11/19/1979 (lasagnacat reupload)
Remember those Garfield Without Garfield comic strips that really made Dave look like a mentally ill creep? YouTube user lasagnacat takes things a step further by turning Garfield live-action. And then he sneezes Jon's fucking head off.
Wait, did you make it this far? You should really go to bed. And bring a bag of chips and a couple of pudding cups with you, for good measure.