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The Genius of Old People on the Facebook Pages of Our Corporate Masters

One of the supposed way cool things about social media is the newfound ability of very large entities in the world -- from pop stars to multinational corporations -- to interact with every average goofball with internet access on a supposed one-to-one...

One of the supposed way cool things about social media is the newfound ability of very large entities in the world — from pop stars to multinational corporations — to interact with every average goofball with internet access on a supposed one-to-one level. It’s spawned a whole new appendage in the customer service industry, somewhere between 800-number dialpad menu-anchor/representative and the slick PR person – someone who acts, effectively, as the heartbeat / answering machine behind big-name corporate social media handles.

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The new layer of interaction is amazing and largely unseen by the more-cynical internet generation; “we” don’t knock on the Subway restaurant chain’s Facebook wall all that often because we’re savvy enough to know that this is roughly equivalent to knocking on a Subway roadside billboard. (OK, OK, maybe said generation is capable of doing this ironically, “for the coupons” man.) A faceless corporate entity is still faceless in the year 2012; the difference now is that disembodiment answers back.

The corporation has not become anymore human here, of course — now we just have this weirdo realm of… something, some kind of stand-in. In a way, seeing this level of interaction happening in real-time only submerges the possibility of a corporate face more. The handle answers back, but all it can really ever say is “hi” and “please contact us via the customer service form on our website.” All hope is lost.

This is the perverse allure of looking at the Old People Writing On a Restaurant’s Facebook Page Tumblr: it’s like watching across some rift as the large swath of human beings left behind by social media and all-devouring corporate culture try to communicate across it. And those voices scream on about how their drink at Morton’s or Applebee’s was crappy or how their flight got cancelled or why oh why can’t your awesome corporation have an outlet in my town and things generally futile and very sad. I’m gonna say this is one of the most important Tumblrs ever. It’s also pretty funny.

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I don’t think this is a totally ridiculous question. It’s between two pieces of bread, right?

Many of them are actually sweet. It’s not just clownish complaining at restaurant Facebook walls. Some people want to ask friendly questions of their restaurant Facebook friends. There’s something about that that is so incredibly hopeful and sad. Like this one:

I see the knee-jerk with these snapshots to be Juggalo-bashing style classism — like, “lol you eat at the Olive Garden.” I don’t know if that even works; I kinda think that it’ll shake out in the end with lower classes having a better grip on social media actually, but I can’t back that up with much research at this very moment. Something about needing it more, and it having more potential consequences and real-world benefits for poorer people. I’m sure by now someone’s thought more deeply about that. Anyhow, as with most anything in the universe, take Old People Writing On Restaurant’s Facebook site with maximum empathy. Technology makes every generation look like goofballs; now it’s just more public.

Ultimately our own, capital-I-internet-generation’s embarrassment will be far, far greater. After all, it’s our generation that’s raced like its very life depends on it to reveal absolutely everything about itself to everyone that can be convinced to listen, including those same corporations. If anyone thinks the exchanges above are awkward and a bit uncomfortable, that’s fine. What they aren’t, however, is absolutely insane. That’s our turf.

Connections:

Reach this writer at michaelb@motherboard.tv.