A Cargo Ship Drew a Giant Dick Pic in the Ocean Then Got Stuck in the Suez Canal

Just before blocking one of the world’s busiest waterways where 10 percent of world trade flows, the unfortunate Ever Given sailed an even more unfortunate course.
A Huge Cargo Ship Drew a Giant Dick Pic in the Ocean Then Got Stuck in the Suez Canalgiant dick pic thumb
Photo: / Suez Canal Authority

The Suez Canal has been blocked and a big backlog of ships is building up after a huge container ship ran aground during bad weather.

UPDATE: The Giant Cargo Ship That Drew a Dick in the Ocean Could be Stuck in the Suez Canal For Weeks


At least eight tug boats and a digger are working to dislodge and refloat the 400m long and 59m wide Ever Given.

UPDATE: The Dick Ship Is Stuck but at Least We Have These Sizzle Reels of It Not Moving

WhatsApp Image 2021-03-24 at 8.43.54 AM (2).jpeg

The container ship, registered in Panama and operated by Taiwanese shipping company Evergreen Marine, became stuck yesterday morning, and attempts to shift it and get traffic flowing again have so far failed.

“Ship in front of us ran aground while going through the canal is now stuck sideways, looks like we might be here for a little bit,” wrote Julianne Cona on Instagram.

It’s now emerged that the Ever Given’s journey was even more cursed than we first thought, as just before getting lodged in the canal, it charted a course that, well, just look at it.

Tracking data from and websites clearly shows what resembles a giant dick pic, and arguably a pair of ass cheeks too, slap bang in the Red Sea – if that isn’t an omen then what is.

A spokesperson for confirmed the ship tracking data was accurate. "There is no room for some kind of conspiracies or false data,” Mihail Mitev told VICE World News over email.

Screen Shot 2021-03-24 at 11.34.27.png

Things are not looking great for the Ever Given: because the ship was heading from China to the Netherlands it is much more likely to be fully laden with goods, and therefore much heavier and more difficult to refloat.

vessel finder 1.jpg


The website showed traffic building up on both sides of the canal, which is one of the busiest waterways in the world, with about 10 percent of global trade flowing through it.

vessel finder2.jpg


Lieutenant-General Osama Rabie, chairman of the Suez Canal Authority, said that some ships were being diverted to an older channel to help alleviate some of the traffic.

He said strong wind and a dust storm had caused bad visibility, and contributed to the ship running aground.