This Glass Tentacle Dildo Is the Alien Masturbation Tool I Needed

Lovehoney, you get me. Out of all of the online sexual wellness emporiums, only you are slinging size-inclusive pleather lingerie, a cornocupia of ball chokers, and multiple sex toy advent calendars. It’s no surprise that you’ve also spawned my white whale of sex toys, the textured glass tentacle dildo:  

The moment I saw  it, my little sausage fingers ran to smash that order button—only to see that it was selling out fast. It had earned an impressive 4.7-star average rating from over 100 reviews, with one fan writing, “I have never found a more impressively sensational dildo. Its curves, bumps and overall weirdness make it more thrilling than the average inanimate play object.” I was smitten, despite the fact that I’m not necessarily into tentacle roleplay. This wasn’t just a dildo—it was a moment, an aesthetic reboot. An objet d’art. 

I’ve been a longtime fan of glass sex toys, because they’re easy to clean and provide an arousing, slightly weighted sensation during penetration. As someone who often gets UTIs, I also prefer glass toys because they’re hypoallergenic, easy to clean, temperature-responsive, and compatible with every lube under the Sun.But this arabesque octopus arm looked like my next level-up, so I decided to see if it could live up to the hype of online reviewers and my own goblincore imagination. 

It looks more like a tongue than a tentacle, but I guess the tongue is the tentacle of the face. Compared with other tentacle sex toys, I’d say this dildo makes a more subtle nod to its octopus teacher, favoring slight bumps and indentations over the outright suction cups of the sea’s horniest critter. 

Glass toys don’t (or at least shouldn’t; lube up!) feel painful at all during penetration. Instead, they should slide in smooth and provide an extra, effortless amount of stimulation to your G-spot, and this tentacle is no exception; it brings the kind of power, texture, and curvature that feels like having an orgasm in 4D. 

Most of all, I’m impressed that this isn’t neccessarily a phallic dildo. Traditionally, dildos pay homage to the good old fascinus, and that’s tight, but people with vaginas fantasize about far more than Slim Jims; sometimes, we want to chase a half-baked sci-fi fantasy of a genderless babe, or imagine what it must be like to get head from the The Rolling Stones’ tongue logo. This talented glass tentacle can fulfill all of those needs, and more (it also makes a mean backscratcher and paperweight). 

Grabbing any dildo for under $50 is a steal IMO, but $44.99 may still be a hefty price tag for some, so I took the liberty of sussing out some even more affordable options from Amazon, such as this 4.4-star average rated tentacle dildo for $15, or this long boi for $9 that would make for a nice stocking stuffer or white elephant gift. What can I say, the people need their tentacles.  

You don’t have to have a tentacle fetish to enjoy this sex toy, although it would make the hentai-lover in your life really happy. The curved, wide-set shaft/tentacle is equipped with nubs and ridges that bring on heightened sensations during a solo or partnered bone sesh, and the slightly arched form, combined with the subtle weight of the glass, helps the dildo stimulate your clitoris, G-spot, and erogenous zones like a pro. 

This tentacle isn’t just a looker; it’s a Renaissance man ideal for anyone in search of a little extra oomph, whether that means texture during penetration, roleplay ideas, or a sex toy so beautiful it could double as a work of art. 

Purchase the Tentacle Textured Sensual Glass Dildo at Lovehoney. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.