Listen I don't know much about politics – I have, actually, made an active choice to not like politics anymore, because knowing about it, even a little, is currently filling me with this sort of unerring sense of dread. I mean I know they say "knowledge is power", that knowing the size of the beast helps you to slay it, but in this instance with British politics I do truly think knowing about it, knowing exactly how it is all going wrong, is actually quite a terrible idea. I'm just going to revert back to childhood and read the Beano again, it's easier – but yes so I don't know much about politics. But I do know people. And I do know that five people – Theresa May, Liam Fox, Michael Gove, Andrea Leadsom and Stephen Crabb – are running for leadership of the Tory party right now. And I do know Boris Johnson officially pulled out while I was writing this piece, the dick. And I do know they all have Wikipedia portraits. And… that's about it? Yeah. That's about it.
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So isn't it time to decide who is the most suitable Prime Minister for this country, based only on looking at their Wikipedia profile picture for three, maybe eight seconds? Yes. That is the exact sort of incisive political commentary we need right now.
THERESA MAY
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LIAM FOX
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MICHAEL GOVE
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ANDREA LEADSOM
BORIS JOHNSON, WHO FUCKING PULLED OUT THIS MORNING, BUT WITH EVERYTHING BEING FUCK-A-DOODLE RIGHT NOW HE COULD BE IN AGAIN BY THIS AFTERNOON, WHO KNOWS ANYTHING ANYMORE
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