Most people aren't murderers, which is good. But most people have watched a murderer get caught by Horatio on CSI or the world's best detective Mariska Hargitay on Law & Order and thought, What an idiot, I could've gotten away with that. Of course, everyone has killed time in the shower, or sitting on the toilet, thinking about how you'd get away with murder. Haven't they?
I mean, I personally have a pretty good idea how I'd rid the world of my nemesis, if it ever came to that. I would spend years perfecting the art of hypnosis, lull them into a deep hypnotic state, and then trick them into walking off a cliff.
Would you hit someone over the head with a cricket bat and dump the body in a river? Pillow over the face? Poison their VB? VICE took to the streets to ask people about their preferred murder method and unearth their inner serial killer.
VICE: Hey Sandy, how would you kill someone and get away with it?
Sandy: Oh gosh… that's a heavy one. But I have thought about it before. I don't know how I'd kill them because there are so many ways but I suppose the big problem is disposing of their body. So I'd probably decompose them in acid.
I think dumping someone in acid would be enough to kill them anyway. Where are you gonna get enough acid to do that?
Just steal it. Breaking Bad-style.
Ace, 20 and Ali, 19
VICE: How would you guys kill someone and get away with it?
Ace: I would probably take them to a farm or something far away, dig a really deep hole and kill them there, then bury them, then just come back into town.
How deep do you think you would have to dig for no one to find the body?
I would dig deep enough to hit some water, so the body can decompose in the water faster.
Sounds foolproof. What would you do, Ali?
Ali: Just chop them up, man. Bury each part in different areas.
Gross. How small would you cut the pieces?
They'd be small enough for insects and stuff to eat them up. So there's no traces. But I'd do it far away from Melbourne. Like Alice Springs or something.
Hey Ira. How would you kill someone and get away with it?
I would make a weapon from ice so the evidence would disappear when it melts.
You answered that really quickly. Have you thought about this before?
I watch a lot of documentaries on crime, and I work in retail so I contemplate things like that all the time.
Nicholas, 25 and Austin, 26
Hey guys. How would you kill someone and get away with it?
Austin: Make it look like an accident.
I see. How would you do that?
Austin: I'm so terrible, I can think of heaps of different ways. I think I'd make it look like a car accident.
How do you go about faking a car accident?
Nicholas: You could drive behind them really fast until they swerve and crash, then drive away.
Hey Will. Today I'm asking people how they would kill someone and get away with it. What would you do?
Will: Wow.I'd probably have to do the Breaking Bad-style and use chemicals to get rid of the whole body.
That's a popular one. Won't people ask questions about the person disappearing?
That's a tricky one. I'd move to another country, I think. Somewhere nice and sunny.
Hi Sara. How would you kill someone and get away with it?
I've never thought of this… maybe just take them somewhere far away, like the bush.
That's a start. Then what?
I'm not sure. Maybe just leave them there? I'm not very good at murders.
Hello Mike. How would you kill someone and get away with it?
Hey Jake, how would you go about killing someone and getting away with it?
Hmm… I'd probably just bury them in my backyard.
Your own backyard? Isn't that sort of risky?
Nah. I'd just chuck them in my boot, bury them in my backyard. Seems like the safest spot.
Wouldn't people find the body?
Has anyone ever searched your backyard for a body?
I guess not, no.
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