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Vice Blog

Performance art - just shit?

Failed to get into TV acting? No room at the fine art inn? Not athletic enough for the synchronized swimming splash fest? Well why not just do whatever the fuck you like in public and hope people think you are making a point beyond the obvious? It goes without saying that the vast majority of performance art is embarrassing piffle. The only difference between these self-titled artists and those goons in Covent Garden pretending to be bronze statues is that at least the statue dudes have cash-cash money motives and don't pretend to be clever.

These vile (no doubt European) 'artists' came into our office a few weeks ago and bared their saggy bums at our scathing intern. We thought it was just some drunk tourists low on imagination and still buzzing from their trip to Madame Tussauds, but then word spread that a vile twosome had shat on each other at The Legion's open mic night the same evening. And guess what? It was the same lovers.

Thanks for blowing our minds, but we're pretty sure playing with your poo was edgy about 20 years ago in this country. If you want to make a real scene go and throw your shits around Saudi Arabian comedy clubs.

BRUCE LA VRAI