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A Twilight Fan and an Interview with a Banad who are on the Soundtrack.

I don’t ‘get’ Twilight. I’ve never seen the movie and I’ve never read the books. I never read Harry Potter either; I was more of a, ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ girl myself, which made me feel like I had a better grasp on reality than my peers. I’d sit in the corner during Show and Tell, peering over my Lemony Snicket wearing a beret, smoking black Sobranies and making PFFFT sounds at all the other kids.

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Apparently Twilight is about a Vampire who falls in love with a human.Other than thatbasic piece of knowledge, I was left to forge my own opinions of the franchise/craze/fad at the New Moon fan event last week, where fans flockedto a purpose-built complex in Battersea Park to see five minutes of the new film and a Q&A with the cast, which we overheard was a set-up.

We soon realized, before the party had even started in fact, that we’d underestimated the scale of thewhole thing. Then to add to the crazy red carpet experience, who do we bump into as we get inside the building? None other than Newton Faulkner – folk sensation and all round beautiful human being!

Look at me! Rubbing shoulders with the stars!

Hey look! Its Ipso Facto!

To continue the musical theme, we then went to catch up with Band of Skulls who wrote some songs that are played in the film.

Cheer up guys! So, what are your thoughts on Twilight?

It terrifies us because it’s so powerful. We hope they don’t put any bad things in the second film because you never know what people will do. If someone does something in Twilight some kid might go out and do the same.

Apparently in the second movie someone gnaws a baby out of a girl’s womb.

That’s just one step up from a water birth really, you never know what they’ll come up with in a year.

There’s also a Hispanic actress who is painted white.

-silence-

Thanks BOS!

Back in the main room everyone was getting totally pumped because Alex Zane announced from outside that R-PATZ was on his way!!!R-PATZ is the nickname for Robert Pattison who plays the hunk in the movie. Obviously.

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I didn’t know who this guy was but it was still hugely exciting.

Robsessed! Why don’t any men like Twilight?

We had just enough time to sneak into the ‘Talent Area’ before the cast did their fake Q&A.

Then we got there and the supposed ‘talent’ consisted of Nick Grimshaw and a few of his galpals. Whoop de fuckindoo. Where is R-PATZ?That’s what I want to know!

This is the best we could do. It’s all Jamie’s fault.

This is the fake Q&A. It was supposed to be questions from the fans but they were probably all marriage proposals, so someone stepped in with some really boring ones like, ‘Has your life changed since Twilight?’, ‘Yes’. No shit!

I was screaming from the side of the stage ‘THE QUESTIONS ARE FAKE!! R PATZ, DON’T LISTEN TO GRIMMY’ but no one heard / cared.

Living the dream.

When the cast left the stage they put on a clip of the new film to distract everyone while the talent made their escape. Robert Pattison is pretty mesmerising I guess.

There were also dancers and dudes dressed as vampires lingering around as the event came to a close.

We stayed till the end eating our feelings, and crying because we hadn’t met R-PATZ. One day…