While we at VICE toil to bring you stories about prostitute-managed fashion labels in São Paulo, transvestites wearing bikinis made out of rats, Japanese kids who inject bagels into their faces, and photo shoots set in suburban tower blocks in Russia, deep down we know that, really, all you want is fashion's TL;DR. That's why we created Tidbits, a regular column that aggregates the dumbest, weirdest, and funniest stuff we see, watch, hear, or read in the fashion part of the internet.
WILLIAM STROBECK’S FILM FOR SUPREME IS FINALLY ONLINE
“Cherry”, the first full-length skate film for Supreme by longtime VICE buddy William Strobeck is finally out on DVD. The epic 40-minute video by our favorite skate videographer features legends like Jason Dill and Mark Gonzales along with the likes of Dylan Rieder, Alex Olson, and our new loves Sage Elsesser, Nakel Smith, Tyshawn Jones, Sean Pablo, and Kevin Bradley. Even if you’ve never seen a skate video before and are so retarded you don’t know the difference between a wall ride and an ollie it’s undeniable that Bill’s video is a masterful piece of art worth taking the time (and money) to watch and not just because of the beautiful black and white cinematography and impeccably curated soundtrack. Plus you get to see Dylan Rieder skating topless to INXS’ “Never Tear Us Apart.” So there’s that. Just don’t be a knob and try to watch the video illegally online—you can buy it on iTunes for $12.99 or order it from Supreme online for $20 + receive a massive free poster with purchase. It’s definitely worth it. Support the youth!
LADY GAGA’S LATEST DUMB COSTUME SPARKS WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE COMMENT
Your typical celebrity “off duty” attire in New York City generally consists of a basic T-shirt, a pair of worn in jeans, some crappy old sneakers, big black-out shades, and a baseball cap. That is, unless you're Lady Gaga who is a complete narcissist. This past Saturday in true Gaga fashion, the pop singer was spotted shopping around the city wearing a lot of really crazy clothing made by some designer we don’t care to know anything about. For a second there we thought we might actually have something in common with the star—I have also fantasized about singing inside of a Doritos vending machine. But then she goes and has a girl vomit on her on stage and walks outside carrying a Birkin dressed like a mentally challenged demon and expects people to respect her for it? She needs to chill. But more importantly, thumbs down to media outlets like Elle who, in very poor taste, cracked a joke about Gaga hypothetically trying to join a Gwar tribute band by donning this nonsense. Dave Brockie, the band's founder and lead singer was sadly found dead no more than 24 hours before the comment was made—Oderus Urungus was a true innovator so shame on you for attempting to be facetious in the midst of such a tragedy!
APPARENTLY WOMEN DRESS REALLY WELL ON MONDAYS AND LIKE TRASH THE REST OF THE WEEK
Photo courtesy of She Knows
Everyone’s favorite questionable news source, the Daily Mail, conducted a survey in which they found that most women dressed their best for work on Mondays. According to their findings, 74 percent of women put the most effort into their looks at the beginning of the week. Each day after, females gradually began looking shittier and stopped caring about their appearance and blah blah blah—honestly, who comes up with this crap? From the second I started reading the article it sounded like a huge load of fluff, but as I got to the end of the piece we felt confident in our conclusion that this social survey must be made up because they also bizarrely claimed that on Thursday 70 percent of women planned their outfits out the night before because that was, on average, the night they liked to have after work drinks. We’re not sure who these sad women who clearly have no lives are or what they do but we imagine they’re mostly single, sexually frigid, fashionistas who have to resort to Tinder to get laid. They also take a hell of a lot of mirror selfies and tag all their Instagram pics as #OOTD. Gross.
SOMEWHAT AMATEUR THIEVES SUCCESSFULLY ROB COLETTE
This past weekend popular Parisian boutique Colette was robbed by some of the wackest thieves in the entire history of thievery. At around 10 AM on a Saturday morning two guys in ski masks held up six employees and one security guard with an axe and a shotgun and then proceeded to steal a bunch of watches estimated at around $17,000 each. Even though they made out with close to $830,000 and got away with it, they could have taken so much more! The most interesting bit about this heist is that they had the shittiest getaway vehicle of all time—a plastic scooter with a fake license plate. This might sound impressive, but to anyone who knows how expensive the store actually is, I'm not impressed. Whether this robbery is related to any of the recent hold ups near the Place Vendôme is still unclear.
DUMB KID IN NORWAY GOT A MCDONALD’S RECEIPT TATTOOED ON HIS ARM
Normally when you start ditching your friends because you’re more concerned with going out and getting laid they give you a lot of shit via passive aggressive text messages and eventually stop calling you to chill. But in Norway kids aren’t cut from the same cloth—if you’re found to be chasing babes more than partaking in quality bro time your friends will punish you by forcing you to do something irrationally senseless like getting a tattoo of your own butt, a Barbie doll, or even a McDonald’s receipt and 18-year-old Stian Ytterdahl decided that the latter was best. While we commend him for his bravery and having the cojones not to chicken out when faced with this brash act of discipline (that probably never actually occurred in the first place), we think he definitely screwed up big time. He should have just gotten his own ass tattooed on his body so one day he can turn it into a nice pair of tits on a bomb curvy pin-up girl. But whatever, to each his own. Have fun growing old with your lame ass extra toppings receipt kiddo.
RUMOR HAS IT STUDENTS IN NORTH KOREA ARE NOW REQUIRED TO GET THEIR LEADER’S SHITTY HAIRCUT
One of the most reblogged fashion stories this week was a piece from BBC regarding the rumored mandatory hair laws in North Korea requiring all male university students to sport the same ‘do as the great successor Kim Jong-un. The Pyongyang issued sanctions, which apparently went into effect two weeks ago, were initially reported by Radio Free Asia but have yet to be confirmed as true. However, North Korean experts and recent visitors to the country question if these new guidelines are merely a work of fiction. Although the government has been very open about their distaste for long hair on men back in 2005 (even airing a five-part TV series about the detrimental effects of long hair on human intelligence development) it’s unlikely a law as superficial as this one would be enforced. North Korea’s rulers have only gone far enough to suggest or encourage certain hairstyles but as of now no one has been thrown in jail or shot for looking like a scruff—at least not that we know of… So far all we can be sure of is that if this rule is actually put into effect it won’t be welcomed by its citizens with open arms. The haircut, frequently referred to as the “Chinese smuggler” is not a exactly a national favorite, with one source claiming, “Our leader's haircut is very particular, if you will. It doesn't always go with everyone since everyone has different face and head shapes." Which really just sounds like a nice way of saying, “this haircut is for fat people with massive domes.”
ANJA RUBIK STARRED IN A REALLY WEIRD VIDEO
Since the early days of MTV supermodels have been starring in music videos. Like Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington and Cindy Crawford in George Michael’s, “Freedom 90”, or Stephanie Seymour in Guns N’ Roses’, “November Rain” these videos helped launch the fashion industry superstars into a whole new realm of stardom that made them household names. We’re not sure if Anja Rubik, Vogue favorite and modern day fashion show closer, was hoping for this same kind of popularity boost, but starring in Mister D.’s “Chleb” definitely isn’t going to do all that much for her except help her amass a gigantic stoner following. The video, directed by Krzysztof Skonieczny, for Polish award-winning writer and journalist Dorota Masłowska (Mister D). is in English called “Bread” and features Rubik along with a number of other unusual characters in one surreal situation after another. There are little kids dressed as strawberries climbing out of dumpsters, old ladies falling out of wheelchairs, bald guys burping up fire, and Anja seductively pouring flour all over her body riding bareback on a dachshund. So the next time you’re in a late night YouTube k-hole and your friend says “Hey, you wanna see something weird?” you can finally say, “Naw, fuck whatever you’ve got. I’ve got something way better.”