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Vice Blog

TRAPPED IN AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC TRAIN

According to

my favorite website

, some kid has watched so much

Thomas the Tank Engine

that his mind has been wiped of all knowledge beyond the

show's

catchphrases. Supposedly, he walks around like a zombie mindlessly repeating phrases like: "Well bust my buffers," instead of taking part in the theater of wit enjoyed by his more eloquent classmates. This kid is either a sponge with no mind or personality, or an absorbent genius, because I spent ages trying to teach my three-year-old nephew the words to

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"TV Party"

but he could only get his head around the bit where you have to shout the name of your favorite TV show (in his case: "

DR. WHO

!"). He also couldn't remember where he put the TV remote, which totally diddled on my TV party. Clearly the relationship between a three-year-old and his TV is a strange one, so now all sorts of people who believe if you shout loudly enough you can make something a federal law no matter how untenable it is, are calling for kids under three to be banned from watching TV completely. Which

totally

shits on my plans for future TV parties with my nephew. PETE BOG