Republicans on Film

Those plans to build a mosque a few blocks away from Ground Zero sure have you Americans all up in arms, huh? From our vantage point across the Atlantic, it seems anyone with an opinion--the loudest of which seem to be attached to members of the Republican Party--has been sticking their ignorant oar in. Now it looks like the prez, who initially supported the plan, has backed down in the face of a crazed onslaught from the right-wing. Building a mosque near 9/11-ville would, we are told by arch Republican asshole Newt Gingrich, be tantamount to having the Japanese “put up a site near Pearl Harbor.” He didn’t specify what kind of “site” the Japanese would want to put up. A sushi place, perhaps? Or a sumo ring?

In these attacks, the word “mosque” is taken to mean “house of terrorists,” and the world “Muslim” is taken to mean “bringer of airborne murder.” The argument goes that Ground Zero is “hallowed American ground” and would therefore be brutally desecrated by the presence of a place of quiet religious worship nearby.

Defending their stance and not-retarded people everywhere, Liberal commentators (well, one I heard on Radio 4), have been using increasingly cinematic language to describe The Republicans, referencing the irrational, ignorant, old-style racist villains of films like In the Heat of the Night, Mississippi Burning and To Kill a Mockingbird. But of course, whenever the Republicans pull some insensitive shit they usually do end up calling to mind some jerk from a movie.

War in Iraq - Tom Cruise’s friends in Risky Business

With a ton of money, a bunch of preppy clothes and a thirst for the good times, Cruise and his suburban pimp crew are just like Dubya, Rummy, and all the good ol' boys who really got the party started in Iraq the second time around. I can see Rumsfeld cruising around Baghdad, shouting at women in headscarves and making them show him their “sublime breasts.” Then, when the oil has been shipped home and waterboarding the locals just isn’t fun anymore, Bush turns to Dick Cheney, a tear in his eye, as he exclaims: “That’s it, Dick?”

Iran-Contra affair - Jack Nicholson in The Departed

Being a pantomime villain may be more obviously Jack Nicholson's forte, but Ronald Reagan, always a fine actor, really inhabited the role. The Iran-Contra affair may have been light on the ridiculous Boston shtick The Departed bludgeons you over the head with, but it is all about being a two-faced rat. As a way of funding their anti-democratic pals (the Contras) in Nicaragua, the Republican government ignored an arms embargo, and their distaste for anything Middle Eastern, by selling a load of weapons to the Iranians. They ratted on themselves, which is just what FBI informant Jack does in the film. Perhaps in some post-death idyll, Jack and Reagan will sit together on a terrace, sketch books in hand, drawing rats with the faces of Republican men.

War on drugs - Klaus Kinski in Fitzcarraldo

Being really into South America, holding down an intense obsession with one subject, never ever giving up however ridiculous things get: yep, the war on drugs is Fitzcarraldo, albeit meaner and with absolutely no life affirming idealism. Fitz dragged a steamship over a mountain in order to build an opera house. The drug war guys would do the same thing to burn down a small Colombian village and lock up a bunch of black people for life.

McCarthy witch hunts - Dick Richie from True Romance

Eugene McCarthy dreamt of a world in which absolutely no one was a communist. Dick Ritchie dreamt of a world in which he made it big as an actor and got to screw Alabama Whirly. Here's the point: they were both simple men. Neither could be said to be overly encumbered by a predilection for deep thinking. Both no doubt enjoyed a nice glass of milk and if people suffered on account of the dumb move they pulled, well, they wouldn't really know too much about it.

Lincoln freeing the slaves - Maximus in Gladiator

You know, the Republican Party wasn’t always like this--they used to be good. Once upon a time, the Republican Party had Lincoln, and when you’ve got Lincoln you’ve got a tall bucket of noble, silently enduring hardship, working his way through war and coming out the moral victor. It reminds me of another guy who did some stuff that rang through the ages, almost like an echo, for all time, which I suppose you could call “eternity.”

OSCAR RICKETT