OFFENSIVE T-SHIRT GIVEAWAY INTERIM

Entries for our offensive t-shirt contest have been quietly rolling in. A few of the stories hold their own against the time we sprayed emulsified deer feces inside our neighbor's new car because he didn't like the placement of our trash cans and kept moving them, but mostly we've been getting stuff like this:

I Took A Shit On The Floor At Some Girl's Graduation Party

The summer after high school, me and a couple of friends showed up at a girl's graduation party super drunk. Like almost blackout drunk,the kind of drunk where people are staying away from you because they don't want you to throw-up on them drunk. Well I wasn't really friends with this girl, she seemed like a nice person but she was the class president, played volleyball and entered the Miss Michigan pageant, just a different crowd. But it was a really small school so everybody went to all the parties.

After we arrive at the party it starts to hit me that I have to take a massive shit, like right away. I see there are a bunch of porta-potties set up but I think to myself, "fuck that I'm going inside the house and take a nice relaxing shit". Well I walk into the house, and by this time I'm barely hanging on, like I gotta go. So I start trying to open doors where I think the bathroom would be. They were all locked! Of course this is a good idea if you're having a party and you don't want people trashing your house, but it was bad news for me. I remembered form the one time I was there before that they had a finished basement with an entertainment room and a bedroom, I thought "they've got to have a bathroom down there". When I made it down there and started to look around I realized, no bathroom!

By this point it was too late, I'd waited to long. I dropped my pants and braced my back against the wall. What followed was plop and a splash onto the white ceramic tile. It was liquid diarrhea with logs mixed in. It was a fucking mess, some of the back splash got on my shoes and on my legs. I suddenly heard someone up stairs. I looked across from me and could see the open door to her sister's bedroom. I went in the room and grabbed a couple of shirts that were laying on the floor. I scraped up as much as I could and threw it into her closet. At this point I was beginning to realize what I'd just done and I ran upstairs. I made it out the back door undetected and went to the very back of the yard, took my underwear off, cleaned up myself as best I could with them, and then threw them in the tree.

As I made my way back to the front to rejoin party I was shocked at what I had just done. A about fifteen minutes later, the music cuts off and her mother was standing with the DJ's microphone. Her statement was something like, "Some sick fuck just took a shit in my basement. When my husband finds out who you are he is going to kill you". Out of nowhere the two guys I came with looked at me and somehow knew. Well we left about fifteen minutes later.

No one ever really found out it was me. Some rumors started that maybe it was a girl from a rival school because I apparently wiped up some of my shit with her sister's basketball jersey or something. If those people saw the amount and type of shit down there they would have quickly realized no high school girl was capable of that. Well over the years more people found out about it and I still see people from high school but till this day, I've never been directly confronted about the situation.

Thanks,

Winston Chester

Anywaze, all you have to do to win one of the tees is email us a description of the most horribly immoral act you've ever committed. The deadline is Monday at 10 AM EST.