
B.
via email Dear Vice, I'm a very open minded person. I laugh at funny jokes and enjoy amusing articles in magazines. But when I was flipping through Vice and started reading "Vice Don'ts," I was appalled at the childish, tasteless stabs at less fortunate people. It really pisses me off that someone would publish crap like this, thinking that their readers would find it funny. I passed around Vice and I didn't find one person who found it remotely funny. Not everyone is as fortunate as you, Jesse Pearson, and you should be ashamed that you find this humorous. Most homeless people can't help being where they are and they don't need you putting their picture in magazines and making these hurtful comments about them so you can get a quick laugh. Maybe next time, instead of watching and taking pictures of these easy targets you might help them out since they're less fortunate than you. Queen Sid
via email Hey.
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I picked up the new issue and at first I thought it was great that there seemed to be some more effort into giving each section life and making the magazine visually pleasing rather than having a static grid from cover to cover, but as I continued to flip I felt like I was reading Tiger Beat. Does that magazine still exist? Now I'm not sure if this is a one-off because it looks as though the anniversary issue is riding some kind of tabloid tip, but if you plan on rocking this layout for years to come I think you might want to reconsider. The thing is an absolute mess! It looks like you got some 17-year old who is taking a QuarkXPress class in high school to take over. And what is up with ripping off the actual layout of Mass Appeal for Pharrell's shoe story? Do they know you did this? Hats off for biting one of the best-designed magazines in North America though. You could learn a thing or eight from them. I feel bad ripping you apart, but when it comes to bad design I can't help but take it personally. I mean, you're Vice and you have so much potential to make the hottest-looking magazine out there, but you took a massive leap backwards. At least the old design was easier on the eyes. With all the famous friends you cats have, surely you could have had your pick of the design litter, right? If you need help, please call me. Noel Dix, Art Director, Exclaim! Magazine
Toronto, ON Dear FUCKING idiots,
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- Michael Jackson and Dave Navarro (worst two people on earth) are on the cover and the picture is from a concert that happened years ago.
- Several articles on the cover do not exist: Bjork on p. 260, The Kids Are All Right p. 197.
- The contributors page lists people that aren't in the magazine, people who, in fact, do not even exist.
- The letters page refers to articles from an issue that never happened. A woman is labelled a "cunt" for not appreciating Britney's husband's outfits.
- The opening of the magazine refers to "fresh kicks" that are half Vans and half Chuck Taylors (an impossibility).
- The Scarface quotes make no sense.
- The bear survival tips include no tips.
- The cool barometer says it's "cool to win a billion dollars" but it is "not cool to be raped"… And we're barely past the letters page! Do you all have a large brown piece of shit for a brain? Are you yet another impulse-only imbecile who simply hears about something before going off on a tirade against it? You people are the worst of both worlds. You are as ridiculous as those knee-jerk liberals who hate conservatives even though their "research" never goes beyond Crossfire. And you are as infuriatingly idiotic as those born-again Christians who want to burn books they've never read. You represent everything that is wrong with the world. For more on this amazing piece of satire, see the commentary section in the archives of viceland.com AND THEN THERE'S THIS… To the Editor,
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VP Societies & Student Development
London South Bank University Students' Union We made this one separate because it seemed to get the most response. For the record, it's Beyoncé, not us, stitching white hair into her afro. Someone at viceland.com explained the joke perfectly using a Michael Jackson diss: "The problem with negroes is those hideous wide noses and that black-as-coal skin. How are you supposed to see them at night? They're worse than the Pakis. Luckily Jacko had the foresight to recognize this problem and has corrected it with some bleaching and a fantastic nose job. Way to go, Peter Pan!" Send correspondence to: letters@viceland.com (include city and state/province) or mail to: Vice Magazine, 97 North 10th Street, Suite 202, Brooklyn, NY 11211. Letters are edited for length.
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We've been receiving some stellar examples of Drunk Jenga from readers since the DO that blew the lid off this game a few issues back. Keep them coming, please. These are great, but can't anyone go for the gold and jizz on a guy?




