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Vice Blog

LONDON - A SAINT PASSES AND A NATION MOURNS

It's easy to forget what a starkly cruel and unrelentingly lugubrious world we live in. But every now and then an event occurs that makes the harsh reality hit you like a paving slab to the side of the head. News came this morning that the nation's most beloved ex-Big Brother contestant, Jade Goody, had passed away. Collectively, as a nation, we drop to our knees, crestfallen and crushed. We can cry and bawl as much as we want but it will not bring her back. Instead, we should focus on the good times – the things that made Jade retain that special place in our hearts, the things that made her different.

We will remember Jade for: her unflinching joie de vivre, her big smiley face and chubby cheeks, her constantly groundbreaking and gripping TV series on Living TV, her taste in young, overly groomed men, her one-armed bi-sexual crackhead mum, her assertions that a ferret was a bird and that Pistachio painted the Mona Lisa, and sucking off a man under a duvet on live TV.

Further, because we are at the cutting-edge of hip and annoyingly over-discussed social networking innovations, we carried out a conversation about this devastatingly sad event on Twitter – which you can read below.

Vice: Canonisation for Jade Goody! Who's with me!?
Friend: I think shooting her out of a cannon is in rather poor taste.
Vice: I dunno, firing her remains out of a cannon Hunter S. Thompson-style would be great TV. I can picture it on Living. Shilpa Shetty could press the launch button.
Friend: OK! magazine could have a competition for readers to stand in the next field with buckets, and they'd all get to catch a bit. Get Max [Clifford] on the phone, this idea is solid gold.
Vice: Bad news. He said Derek Acorah will be using his necromancy skills to interview her dead body for the Sun front page until 2012.
Friend: Perhaps as a last resort we can sell our idea to a lightly satirical but oddly unamusing news-based Radio 4 'comedy' show.
Vice: OK, it's a deal. Only if David Mitchell does all the voices. Looking forward to his Shilpa Shetty.