In an effort to put O.B. out of business, I went and picked up a period cup. This is not about women's lib for me: that shit gets so out of hand. My period is an irritating body elimination that (obviously) needs tending to, but it hurts the wallet and moreover, Greenpeace would hang me by the lips if they discovered how quickly I blaze through a box of ultras.But first I had to get past the concern that I'd stretch myself out. I don't want to stretch myself out, but I also don't want the world to be swimming in my old cunt rags, but but neither do I want to rip my tubes out…I went around in circles like that for a while.I finally drew some comfort from the fact that I'm mostly Asian, and I guess I can afford to make a little room. I had to jazz myself up before I could squeeze the sucker in. I was bouncing up and down in my bathroom like a boxer about to enter the ring.Its diameter makes it look impossible to swallow, even if the instructions say to fold it in half first (it's silicon). Once you do fold it, the ten-degree angle it creates is worrisome and looks like it's going to flick me like a switchblade. I used KY, and that helped. KY is key.But I have good news to report! After insertion, something magical happened: after I let go of the cup, I literally heard it take a breath—in other words, it acted as a vacuum that sucked in the air of the small space in my vaj.Y'know what I'm hinting at here, right? I'm doing a daylong, lazy motherfucker Kegel exercise but without the clenching!! This little number is pulling my walls together and I'm not doing a goddamn thing. This is free money! It's like my VG is all filing its nails and chewing gum and talking on the phone and still making 40 bucks an hour.KRISTINA SUNG
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