Sometimes you see a headline that takes your breath away. A headline that reminds you that life is just an endless series of disasters, both natural and man-made, and that it's merely a waiting game until the explosion of the sun and the sucking of all humanity into the vacuum of space, to be forgotten by all that has lived or ever will live. Sometimes a news story can remind you of that. This is one such story.
In the town of Newbridge, Wrexham, The Newbridge Arms pub sits awaiting its new landlord, a fella by the name of Peter Daniels. Daniels decides that under his presidency, the pub should undergo a name change. After seeing the furore surrounding the Boaty McBoatface ship-naming debacle – which we have covered extensively here on VICE – and seeing the name Pubby McPubface on a website of potential London restaurant names, Daniels knows he has found the perfect moniker for his new public house.
"I thought, 'If we're going to be daft about it, we might as well be totally daft about it,'" the 54-year-old adult man of Cefn Mawr said. Apparently people from Lanzarote have since been "liking" it on Facebook.
Look down. The dirty red and yellow speckled carpet melts through the floor and the yawning chasm opens. It's a black you've never seen before, the kind of black you imagine falling into upon death. You plunge, feet-first, stiff as a board, through the darkness. The choking black pulls the air from your lungs. The liquid in your ears stays still, there's no wind rush, but you somehow know you're falling, and will be forever and ever. Your organs are constricted in an endless panic, and beads of sweat roll across your dried heart, and you squeeze your eyes closed tightly and beg for your thoughts to stop, will your conscious mind to die. And then a voice from the blackness twists your neck back into the room. It's Peter Daniels from Cefn Mawr. "Can I get you anything else?" he asks. You're in Pubby McPubface in Wrexham with a pint of lager in front of you dribbling on a beer towel. You reply that you would like two packets of dry roasted nuts.
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