
Vernon Kay's All Star Family Fortunes isn't something you can just watch on the telly. It loses so much of its visceral impact, filtered and mediated through the tube, plasticised via ITV's televisual cartoonifier. No, to truly enjoy Vernon Kay's All Star Family Fortunes, you've got to watch it in person, while it's being recorded, because it is a piece of theatre. It's basically Godot with fabulous prizes.
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I did, so there I went on Tuesday to see Vern do his thing.


Vernon bounded on. The place went genuinely wild. He looked a million dollars. He had skin like a baby's perma-tanned ass. He provided a dapper focal point for the hopes and dreams of his audience, who ate continually and greedily from his palm.They recorded two episodes back-to-back. The first was Loose Women vs the cast of Heartbeat. The Loose Women were hilariously, insanely crap. Not long after they'd touched down, their old friend innuendo duly arrived. They were asked about “things which have spots.” One of the blonder ones said "dick" (as in spotted dick).
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