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Vice Blog

Vaginal keyhole surgery

Big medical news. Surgeons have found a new way to remove kidneys from potential donors. Through their vagina. Hurray! At last eh? How long have you been moaning: They can put a man on the moon, but they can’t yank a bag of plasma, piss, and blood from my gash? Go figure!

Dr. Robert Montgomery, chief of transplant surgery at Johns Hopkins, said of the trial operation: “The kidney was successfully removed and transplanted into the donor's niece and both patients are doing fine. Removing the kidney through a natural opening should hasten the patient’s recovery and provide a better cosmetic result.“

“Hi, Aunt Kimberely? Remember that kidney you had taken out of your body with a tube with a bag attached to it via your vaginal passage? Well thanks, it's really done the job, I guess I owe you big.” Surgery in general kind of freaks me out and though I know this has enormous medical benefit, but dousing the vagina with Betazine and inducing the birth of a large organ just sounds too Cronenberg for me. It all makes me uncomfortable with the knowledge that maybe sometime in the future maybe they will find a way of removing my damaged organs through my cock.