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Inside the Modarn Songs on Frank Ocean's 'Blond' with @Seinfeld2000

"Facebook Story" is basically the plot of a brand new episode of 'Seinfeld.'

Hey whats up!!! i am @seinfeld2000 and if u dont know my whole thing by now ,basicaly im trapped in a prisen of my own creatien whereby i imagen via Twiter, Facebook and instagram storys (fka snapchat) what seinfeld would be like today, like if it was modarn with new epsodes every Thursday nite on NBC must see TV line up just like back in the day

k. like for example ie, whats something that wasnt around before seinfeld got canceled. Easy. segways. so now simply close your eyes and imagen kram BERSTING into jerys apartment on a segway but its all malfunctien becase he got it on Canale St. in New york so its all sputering and sparking. Sudenly jery whole apartment BERST in to flames


cut to 5 hour’s later. Whole jery apartment building is simply just a pile of ruble and ash. There are over 12 casualty. Another 7 in the ER for smoke inhelatien. peoples tresured memories, photo album’s, ireplaceable valuables, all gone. Jery just go “thats a shame” LMAO!!!!!!

Speaking of segways, heres one. Frank Oceans new albums FINALY came out this wekend BABY! As someone who has been waiting literaly years for seinfeld to return to televisien i understand the anticipatien that has created a TiDAL wave of hype and a river of halarious Frank ocean meme’s like just off the top of my head, Sonic the hegehog looking at his watch and taping his foot and then the captien is “waiting for frank ocean album to relese” lol if i tweted that a few weeks back i GAURANTEE that twete would have gone FULL ZIKA VIREL BABY!

but now that Frank oceans not one but two album is out we can all final relax our sphincter’s becase the music is here and its totaly not overated and pretentious at all! Step aside Nelly becase Endless/Blond is the Sweat/Suit of our generatien.

Blond"e” is a totaly listenable souflet of metalic squinks and mysterious glonks, from the extremely catchy Nike’s which finaly give answar to the questien “what would Frank ocean sound like if his label gave him an unlimited helium budget” to a SICK BANGER where franks mom is saying dont smoke weed (prety sure thousand’s of babys are gona be conceive to this track alone in 2016) all the way to the over 9 minute finel track FUtura Free, a totaly easy to listen to art colage that is the perfect sound track to join ur friends in glancing at each other and harmoniosly pretending to enjoy listening to Frank ocean becase “anything less would be uncivilze” © Charls Barkley 11.3 Best New Music score © Pitchforkmedia


Sometimes (all the time) i wonder, What if Frank Ocean was in seinfeld? It definitely would be modarn. Maybe gerge is the only one who doesnt “get” Frank Ocean and it cause his GF (Emma Robert’s) to dump him. Clasic gerge! Or imagen Krandal pitch fragrence to Calvin klein that smell like Frank Ocean. i could go on

Anyway i just definitely want to zoom in on two of the most modarn track’s on the albums. First theres Facebook Story, a sensuel jam where an obtuse and arogant sounding frenchman tell a quasi profound story about a girl who DUMP him becase he refuse to accept her friend request. What i love about this song, beyond the fact that it give’s my finger a great work out when i have to press the ‘next’ button whenever its come on my itunes, is that its basicaly the plot of a brand new epsode of seinfeld!

GERGE: she DUMPED me Jery. Three year’s of my life down the toilete

JERY: Becase you didnt acept her friend request?

GERGE: Ya. Can you beleve it?

JERY: So why didnt you just accept?

GERGE: She was RITE IN FRONT OF ME! IN REAL LIFE! WHats the point!

JERY: Becase its a means of comunicatien when your not together and also its symbolic, a modarn way that we conect in the 21st century

GERG: it was virtual! Made no sense! She thought i was CHEATING!

JERY: if you dont like facebook why were u even on it to begin with

GERGE: Anyway shes dead now. I did it again

The other track im gona talk about is even more modarn! On Device controle, Frank basicaly sounds like hes describing an entire season of Seinfeld with its reference’s to Apple apliances, Sony phone, 4K and Samsang Galaxy. Which is basicaly every refarance you would hope to hear about in a brand new epsode of seinfeld or even a Netflix series based on the Bee Movie

This music is absoltuely going to age well

I guess what im trying to say is, if NBC ever create a new season of seinfeld i know who they should hire as their head writer! Frank ocean

OK i just did a word count that was 800 words. i definitely earned what this web site is paying me to write this. goodbye

@Seinfeld2000 is still doing this. Never stop imagening and follow him on Twitter.