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Vice Blog

THE INTERNATIONAL FOOD UNDERGROUND

Have you ever shopped at a Food Co-op? Call me ignorant, but I had honestly never heard of such a place prior to moving from New York to Olympia, Washington a few months ago. I've heard that it's MUCH CHEAPER than Ralph's (which ladies will actually yell in your face, and then follow up by telling you that Ralph's is boycotted by the entire town because they tried to ban abortion pills) but I've only been to it twice (the co-op) and that was to buy a salad from the salad bar. I've gathered a few clues along the way, regarding the co-op and they are as follows: -Local, well known, celebrities will threaten to run you out of town if you're discovered to be shit talking the co-op. (oops) -The Co-op will send out tweets that proclaim things like "new selection of beets available!" -Calvin Johnson personally requested that the Olympia Co-op carry frozen lima beans, which they did. -They sell some sort of deodorant or toothpaste in a box that, based on the graphic on the front of it, looks like poop balls. -They will message you personally if their "guide to making the switch to cloth diapers class" has been cancelled due to inclement weather. I'm not trying to make fun. Please stop putting panty liners in my mailbox. I'm a journalist, it's in my nature to be curious. Oh God. I just checked the Facebook for the co-op and today's message is: "Lovely alphabetical tea section! Available now at the westside!" Why does this make me feel violent? It makes me want to dress up like John Waters and just stand outside of their front doors all day deep throating a Snickers bar. KELLY MCCLURE