Since my days as a fresh-faced medical student poking dead people's stiff bits and discovering the wonders of laughing gas straight from a mask, I have learned two things. One, people are perverts set on finding new and inventive ways of fucking themselves up, usually in the misguided pursuit of pleasure. Two, there is very little I as a doctor can do to stop them.Maybe I'm a big ol' prude, but there are very few inanimate objects I look at and think, "Oh, gosh, how I would like to put that up my chimney." Penises, tongues, fingers, vibrators. Full. Stop. I learned this lesson at a young age. When I was about twelve another girl at school had an ugly and permanently disfiguring accident involving an electric toothbrush and a glass test-tube from the science lab. Any desire for experimental wanking with unusual objects was sharply cut short.
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(not my real name, obvs)
