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Vice Blog

LONDON - CRAPPING FOR CASH

I often estimate how much I am paid to take a dump while at work. The math is fairly simple. Work out your rate per hour and divide that by the total time on the toilet. That's a pretty unscientific method though. I don't wear a watch, so I must guesstimate how long I've been on the pot by following the minute hand of the clock on the wall, which is imprecise at best. And who knows who you'll bump into on the way. Don't forget that also counts as time away from your desk when you should be working. So if you were ever unsure of how best to calculate your own price-per-poo, this this web site will blow your mind out of your ass. It precisely determines how much each red-faced grunt and cheek-splashing plop is worth. Just be sure to hide it on your desktop or passersby will think you're the biggest fucking loser ever and won't offer you any cake for their birthdays.
NOODLES & BROTH