Adam atom at ‘em, folks: It’s time to get out of bed, take a big whiff of whatever slowly eutrophying body of water you live near, and slam some bean juice. IT’S THE WEEK’S BEST DEALS! [B-b-b-b-b-lasts virtual airhorn.] That’s right—it’s our weekly excursion out on the budget bayou, so we’re firing up our 2012 AirRanger and setting out to bring you the most savory savings of the week.
Yes, sweet little dumplings, it's time for this week's best stuff that's on sale. And, because it’s gettin’ ~chilly~, we’re slipping into our sexiest fisherman sweater, slapping on a weathered wool beanie, and harpooning the biggest blue-whale sales on the wild, wild web. (Metaphorically, of course; whales are tight.) Last week’s deals saw us frolicking through the flowers of Dyson vacuums, clit whisperers, sling bags, futuristic rain jackets, and much more. So, what washed up on the sandy shore of sales this week? Glad you asked. We’ve spotted a Williams Sonoma warehouse sale, a Halloween promo on one of our favorite ass-blasting bidets, a sitewide Ella Paradis power sale, and much, much more.
Read on and enjoy shopping this—dare we say, ultra-convenient—list of the best deals this week that we compiled for you, scamp. [Tousles your hair.]
Grab a Le Creuset jawn at Williams Sonoma's warehouse sale
When we die, bottle our ashes into a luxe cracked pepper spice blend that sells for $14 at Williams Sonoma, the motherland of excellent cookware and Ina Garten LARPers. The cookware haven is offering an extra 20% off sale items at check-out with code EXTRA, which means you can finally scoop a Le Creuset Dutch oven for the present Soup Season:
Bio Bidet is having an H-ween promo
You know what’s spooky? A dingleberry booty. Say “no spanks” to a fate of backdoor bread crumbs with Bio Bidet’s Halloween Boo-det Savings Event, which is offering savings on a bunch of their luxury bidets from now until October 31, which means you can treat your sweet peach to a spa day, every day, for the rest of your life.
Chewy is celebrating National Cat Day
If you spend over $60 at Chewy for your BFF (best furry friend), they’ll throw in a $15 gift card so you can keep the cat nip flowing and the kitty litter sparkling until October 30. Just use the code MEWO21 at check-out. Talk about a bones day. Our recs: this cactus scratching post and perfect pineapple pet bed.
Ella Paradis’ spooky sex toy sale
Those dildo devils at Ella Paradis are marking select sex toys up to 70% off from October 29-November 1 with the code FALL, so you can stir you brew with a top-rated vibrator from H-ween until Easter and beyond. If you’ve never tried a clit-whispering vibrator, LELO makes a much-loved suction toy that uses ~sonic~ air stimulation to target thine clit, deftly, without beating it to a pulp like some other vibes. There’s also a top-rated cock ring by Better Love floating around the horny pumpkin patch, and we’re not saying it wouldn’t be a rad idea to surprise your partner with it by pumpkin light.
Peace Out Skincare’s Brightening Pads
How TF did we make it through puberty without pimple patches or brightening pads? One of our writers says she almost looks forward to getting zits now, because she can curb stomp them with products by brands like Starface and Peace Out Skincare whilst sleeping. The latter is offering 50% off their brightening pads, which are great for zhuzhing your complexion after a night of mischief.
A kitschy faux fireplace space heater
Because most of us beanie-wearing, homebrew-sipping jabronis don’t yet have a fireplace in upstate New York to call our own yet during the colder months. This one feels like it belonged to our cool uncle–the one who lives in Indiana, and let us drive his boat before we had a license.
Early Black Friday Huckberry dealios
Yep—it’s that time of year again, folks. Early Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals are here, and Huckberry, one of our favorite retailers of all things lumbersexual, is doling out some dope markdowns. Pair this Universal Terry Fleece Beach Hoody with the Mollusk Jeffrey Pants (which are $94- and $31-off, respectively), and you’ll have the perfect autumnal lounge set.
See you next week, Halloweiners.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.