Is it just us, or are people really horny for space right now? New James Webb telescope pics just dropped, NASA found that weird string on Mars, and this lil smarty pants wrote an entire book of poetry for aliens. We’re declaring it a piping hot summer for space freaks, so we’re celebrating by slipping into
Carl Sagan’s turtlenecks something a little more comfortable, licking all of our glow-in-the-dark star stickers, and treating ourselves to an out-of-this-world sex toy: the Turboo.
What is this, an Alessi juicer? A space shuttle for American Girl dolls? The mind reels at first glance of this enigmatic lube tube, which was engineered by the sexual wellness brand Tracy’s Dog (it’s OK; we hate the name, too) to be the first ever penis sleeve to use its exclusive CFEET (Centrifugal Forced Ejaculation Enhancement Technology) to please your peen. Translation: Turboo uses three powerful, smooth vibration frequencies of up to 13,000 rounds per minute to make you feel like you’re getting jacked off by a higher cosmic power. It’s like a Gravitron for your dick.
Think of it as a Fleshlight, if the Fleshlight had a George Lucas budget; or a penis sleeve, if a penis sleeve were far more sentient and self-sufficient. All you have to do to use Turboo is glide on some water-based lube to maximize the smoothness of your penis’ voyage (Turboo comes with three complimentary packets), and press the ON/OFF button to explore the combinations of its intensities and vibrations.
Cleanup is also a breeze, according to Tracy’s Dog reviewers, who have given the sex toy a 4.9-star average rating on the site. “The shape is sooo cool,” one user named Kent writes, “[and] the sleeve comes out easily for cleaning”—with any mild soap and water. Another reviewer named Nick left over 500 words in his breakdown of the toy on the site, saying that Turboo’s silky, textured interior is “mind-blowing. I got this beauty earlier today and blasted off with it for its maiden voyage, [and] it came in a super discreet box. I've never seen (or felt) anything like it, [and] it was nice that I didn't have to exert any energy to manually operate.” That’s one small step for man, and one giant leap for penises in search of an orgasm so good, it’s almost ineffable. Also, CENTRIFUGAL FORCED EJACULATION ENHANCEMENT TECHNOLOGY! Need we say more???
Beam me up, Tracy.
The Turboo is available for purchase at Tracy’s Dog.
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