Night Out Receipts

Night Out Receipts: An Accidental Hens Party, Cosmopolitan Fishbowls, Akon

Ok, I think I officially love hens parties now. 
night out receipts melbourne party

Lillian, 26, Brunswick 

4pm: I’ve recently moved to Melbourne and thanks to the rental crisis I am still staying in my friend’s spare room with my mattress on the floor surrounded by my clothes. A real ‘walk-on’ wardrobe situation. I try to spend as little time in the room as possible so my night out is starting at 4pm with a dip at Coburg Olympic Pool cause it’s literally 35ºC. It is truly one of the better liminal spaces I’ve been to. $5.80 for entry and $3 for a life saver icy pole and my night is starting strong. $8.80.


5:15pm: On my bike ride home a friend texts to say we should go for drink at a bar on Lygon Street so I head home to change into something hot. I have a one of my housemate’s Peronis from the fridge for my solo pres. $0.  I think about booking a car to the bar but decide to ride as it’s a pretty nice evening and it means more money to go towards drinks.

6:15pm: When I arrive my friend and her boyfriend have the prime spot of the table on the street. I go to order a round of Aperol Spritzes for us and my other friend is working behind the bar so they’re on the house and we do the fake card tap manoeuvre. $0.

6:35pm: We follow this round with two glasses of riesling and some flatbread and dip that my friend goes inside to get and we have those while people-watching. Everyone is out and about tonight apparently. $0 

7:02pm: We get a text from another friend who has been at a hens party since midday and is obviously already obliterated. She says they’re headed to a bar in Clifton Hill so we agree to have some more drinks here so we can at least attempt to be on their level when we meet up. 

7:15pm: Someone else who is not my friend serves me so charges me $11 for a tequila lemon lime bitters (new favourite drink – you can’t taste the tequila in it). Then I order a second. $22.


7:53pm: All three of us decide to head to the bar in Clifton Hill to see what happens. I get a ride share for $17.13.

8:07pm: We arrive at the bar which is at capacity so we squeeze in to get a seltzer and then drink it outside on the street. $9.

8:30pm: Our friend who was at the hens stumbles out saying that they’ve just hired a stripper to come perform for an hour. This bar is, how you say, trendy and not really the venue you’d expect for a Magic Mike-like performance. But apparently she got the go-ahead from has her friend who owns the bar. Or, he begrudgingly said yes since its a hens, but tells us to head straight upstairs and keep it on the down low.

The guy turns up 15 minutes later carrying a boombox and for the next 45 minutes gives a pretty epic performance featuring at least three Pitbull deep cuts and jackhammer antics. The hens party pays his fee. $0

10:12pm: At this point, the mixture of bitch diesel (rosé) and tequila – both courtesy of the hens party – hits and I’m ready for the next location. The bride-to-be offers me a line of coke (my official invitation to the rest of the night) and we decide to head to karaoke in the city via another car one of the hens orders.


10:45pm: Realising I haven’t had dinner I run into a convenience store for some Haribo Pasta Frutta Gummies (the best). $4.95.

10:53pm: We rock up to Star Karaoke and hire a room for two hours which ends up being $25 each including a complimentary drink token - I get a G&T. For some reason the hens choose to sing Akon’s entire discography and I’m not mad at it. I sing Lovefool by The Cardigans; a noble choice. 

11:45pm: The maid of honour orders two bottles of Champagne and a fishbowl cosmopolitan to the karaoke room. Epic. $0 

1am: At 1am on the dot, a lady comes in to tell us our time is up. The hens kick on but my friend and I do not so we book a car back to Brunswick for a crushing $36.06.

1:35am: I arrive home back to the abode (mattress on floor) and order a Margarita pizza to eat at ground level. $23.50.

2:03am: I eat that and fall asleep to the sounds of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fighting about something someone said four episodes ago. Bliss. 

Total: $157.44. Ok I think I officially love hens parties now. 

See more Night Out Receipts here.