Trump to Discuss 'Foolproof' Plan to Defeat ISIS, Also Now Taking Suggestions

Today, Donald Trump will take a field trip to the Pentagon. During his first visit as Commander-in-Chief, it's expected that he'll finally get to discuss one of his favorite items to bring up constantly, consistently, and rarely with any detail: ISIS.
January 27, 2017, 4:58pm

Below is what happened on Trump's fifth day in office. You can find out what damage was done every other day so far on the Saddest Calendar on the Internet.

Congratulations! You've made it through the first five days of Trump's presidency and you're still breathing. On a related note—my condolences.

Trump is celebrating today by sitting down with British Prime Minister Theresa May (whose first name, contrary to White House documents, does include a silent "h") and making his way to the Pentagon for the first time as Commander-in-Chief. At the latter, it's expected that he'll finally get to discuss one of his favorite enemies to bring up constantly, consistently, and rarely with any detail: ISIS.


According to another one of Trump's enemies, the New York Times, "The White House is drafting a presidential directive that calls on Secretary of Defense James Mattis to devise plans to more aggressively strike the Islamic State, which could include American artillery on the ground in Syria and Army attack helicopters to support an assault on the group's capital, Raqqa, officials said." Trump is expected to sign the directive when Mattis is sworn in today. Trump has long talked about his "foolproof" secret plan to defeat ISIS, but now he is giving his commanders 30 days to present him with new options.

Some of the other tasks Trump will likely present to Mattis include reviewing "the United States nuclear posture," considering how to "[field] a 'state of the art' antimissile system," come up with a plan for enacting safe zones in Syria, and confronting the ambitious military expansion plan Trump touted during his candidacy.

Read more: The Girl Who Ran Away to Fight ISIS

Depending on the decisions they make, some of the consequences could include exceeding the Pentagon's annual $600 billion budget and heightening America's involvement in Syria. Trump and Mattis also most recently disagreed on their stances on the use of torture, so it'll be interesting (terrifying?) to see how the two compromise on issues relating to US foreign involvement.

When it comes to relying on his own personal experience of warfare, Trump has never served in the US military, but he has slept with many women supposedly without contracting STDs. As he said to radio host Howard Stern years ago, "It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier."

That's Bleak. Who's Fighting Against It?

As the Syrian refugee crisis continues, the International Rescue Committee is an aid group that helps Syrians trapped by violence inside their country. They have also spoken out against Trump's proposed restrictions on Muslim immigrants. While details of Trump's plan to defeat ISIS are still unknown, the level of military expansion he called for during his campaign led defense experts to speak out about its expense and also point out why his plan doesn't need to be secret.

Not Depressed Yet? Read the Full Saddest Calendar of the Year Here