Everything about Phil Kessel's love for hot dogs is a lie.
It would be pretty fair to assume that Team USA gold medalist Amanda Kessel surely knows a thing or two about her older brother's dietary habits, as the two were born less than four years apart, both with elite hockey talent and, by all accounts, are pretty close.
During an online Q&A Wednesday, one fan, who is doing the gritty journalism work many of us can only aspire to, asked the younger Kessel a vitally important question: Does your brother Phil really love to eat hot dogs?
Kessel's answer was unexpected, brutally honest, and leaves us questioning everything we ever believed in.
"I gotta put it out there: Phil does not really love to eat hot dogs. He does eat hot dogs, sometimes maybe on the golf course, but no, he does not love to eat hot dogs."
That's right. The man as synonymous with all-beef franks as he is with scoring goals is a phony. The man who gave beer-league athletes everywhere hope, strength, and dietary wisdom is really just another fitness and nutrition shill, probably a silent investor in some supplement company hawking nootropics and cricket protein or some shit.
Asked what one skill she could beat Phil in, Amanda doubled down on her previous comments claiming that she is, in fact, the king of hot dog consumption in the Kessel clan.
"One skill I think would be maybe a shootout in a gold medal game in South Korea, and a hot dog-eating contest."
Where did this whole Phil Kessel loves hotdogs notion begin, you may be wondering? Let us introduce you to Toronto Sun columnist Steve Simmons. The much-maligned sports writer published a piece titled "Leafs were sick and tired of Phil Kessel" in 2015 after his departure from Toronto. Here's Simmons' lede:
The hot dog vendor who parks daily at Front and John Sts. just lost his most reliable customer. Almost every afternoon at 2:30 p.m., often wearing a toque, Phil Kessel would wander from his neighbourhood condominium to consume his daily snack.
The terribly sourced and unsubstantiated piece became folklore in Toronto, and the legend of hot dog-loving Phil Kessel was born.
In a not-so-subtle jab at Simmons after the the Penguins second straight Stanley Cup win last season, Kessel had some fun and posed with a picture of the Stanley Cup filled with his "daily snack"—a photo that went viral and continued to feed the narrative that one of the best hockey players on the planet is fueled by processed wieners and white buns.
Which heartbreaking news will come next? That a hot dog ISN'T in fact a sandwich? I can't take much more of this.