What would you say if we told you that in the future, all the world's nightclubs, lounges, and bars would be thick with the smell of boudin noir and that all the celebutantes and influencers would have their own line of kielbasa? Would you believe in a future in which teens surreptitiously pilfer links of saucisson from their parent's dry curing cabinet before painting the town red in a porky stupor?
We ask because the world is almost certainly about to undergo a sausage revolution the likes of which has never been witnessed before—and we have a small butcher shop in Northern Ireland to thank for it. Maguire Meats, a 27-year-old butcher shop in the Northern Irish town of Irvinestown, has done the unspeakable and begun selling sausages infused with Red Bull and vodka.
Keelan Maguire, the maverick butcher responsible for giving birth to this ungodly abomination, told Belfast Live, "We were thinking about the sausage range for the summer and this was the craziest one we could think of. So we gave it a go and it worked out very well and they are very popular. We also added a spicy beef one which is doing well too. It is something different for the BBQ this summer. We have a few other ideas up our sleeve so keep an eye out."
MUNCHIES has reached out to Maguire Meats for comment via email and telephone, but has yet to hear back.
Interestingly, it doesn't appear that Maguire Meats is alone in their Machiavellian attempt to subvert the very fabric of society vis-à-vis booze-drenched sausage. McCartney's Of Moira, a 140-year-old butcher shop in the city of Craigavon, unveiled last month both a gin and tonic pork sausage and a pear cider pork sausage. That shop is also known for its Guinness sausage, which it recommends you not "eat and drive."
Judith Millar, the sixth generation owner of McCartney's of Moira, told the Belfast Telegraph, "We thought we would try and drum up a bit of interest with new sausage flavors. I don't know what led me onto the idea of gin, I had this notion about gin and tonic as a flavour, as it's a very popular and cool and trendy thing at the minute, everyone is going gin mad. We decided to give it a try and thought nothing ventured, nothing gained."
Will the world end up succumbing to a sausage-fueled frenzy of endless grilling, inebriation, and moral panic a la the Gin Craze of the 18th century? Only time can tell whether humanity will fall under the sway of the intoxicating allure of the alcohosausage, but let's just say now might be a good time to invest in a sausage casing manufacturer.