Make whatever refrigerator-magnet jokes you will about how no one should talk to you before you've had your morning coffee. The reality is that most people aren't actually going to flip tables before they've gotten their caffeine fix. But one 30-year-old Indiana man just might; he allegedly went on an early morning city-wide crime spree that all started with a stolen pot of coffee at an Elkhart 7-Eleven.
According to WSBT, Michael Coleman started at the 7-Eleven, where he swiped a pair of sunglasses and an entire pot of the store's coffee. He then drove the coffee pot to a nearby Village Pantry and winged the entire thing into the store. "He opened up the door and threw that pot of coffee and made a comment about 7-Eleven's coffee being better than the Village Pantry coffee," Sgt. Chris Snyder, an Elkhart Police Department spokesperson told the local news station. "Then he […] continued to terrorize people."
Coleman went to the home of an acquaintance who lived nearby, but that person called the police to report him for trespassing. He responded by ducking into a nearby garage, stripping all of his clothes off and continuing to evade officers while totally naked. At one point, he was tased by a cop, but he "broke free" and fought two cops before he was eventually subdued. He was taken to a nearby hospital for an evaluation. He was arrested on a long list of charges, including theft, battery, battery on an officer, criminal mischief, resisting law enforcement, criminal trespass and public indecency.
The entire situation is bizarre—Snyder says the Elkhart Police are investigating whether Coleman was suffering from a medical condition that prompted his behavior—but we're curious whether he had a point about Village Pantry's coffee. (As a resident of the American South, I have never been to a Village Pantry, but we do have Sheetz, which is the unrivaled king of convenience stores. Don't @ me.)
"Your coffee sucks," one woman tweeted regarding the Village Pantry's coffee, adding a middle finger emoji for emphasis. Another man described it as "cheap but piss tasting," which describes more than half of the gas station coffee I've ever had. Based on this limited but obviously scientific survey, we'll give it 4/10, passable but not worthy of a crime spree.
MUNCHIES has reached out to GPM Investments, Village Pantry's parent company, for comment regarding the incident and the quality of its coffee, but has not yet received a response.