The Macleans cover for November.
Photo via Macleans/Twitter.

70 Bad One-Liners About the Great Conservative Resistance Photo

You like good jokes about Canadian conservatives? Don’t click here.

Maclean’s cover story is an earnest, steely-eyed look at the conservative leaders who don’t want a carbon tax (their own climate change plans being tbd), and our staff can’t stop laughing. Rather than take seriously this embarrassing interpretation of “The Resistance” we decided to come up with 70 other things this photo could be. We can’t promise that any of these are good, as we put in about the same amount of effort as their photoshop person did. (We've also thrown in some good tweets.)


Here is the photo for reference.

Straight Eye for the Queer Guy

Harry Rosen sales associates looking at you when you enter the store

Siri, show me a box seat at a Steve Miller Band show

Siri, show me who still listens to Macklemore

Siri, show me white privilege

“The porterhouse here is superb”

If Transformers were just minivans.

The Worst Wing

Coming to CBS All Access, this fall

Entourage fan club meeting

When you think Swiss Chalet is “ethnic food.”

Weird flex, but oka-lee-dokalee

The Backstreet Boys have aged terribly

Suits, season 70

It's like Ocean’s 11 except every character has had a serious battle with gout in the past.

What happens when the headline writer thinks the Empire are the good guys

Also, who the hell is the dude on the right?

You don't get very many chances to get on the cover of Maclean's and the guy on the right goes with that haircut

One showed me pain, one showed me pain, one showed me pain, one showed me pain, one sold me hash in a parking lot

Make tax reform great again!

Introducing Canada's worst barbershop quintet, The Stepdads

…..the Aristocrats!

Hey kids, welcome to our after-school special about the dangers of skipping Sunday school

Is Brian "Slenderman" Pallister the muscle here?

“So who here is going to fuck my wife?”

What happens when Rogers lays off the art department

The Resistance is puerile

This photo thinks season 2 of The Wire is the best season

When the wife gently suggests you eat more fibre


Old, white, and blue

The Tragically Unhip

This photo won’t shut up about how much it loves “gastropubs”

Diversity is for tie colours

The Fellowship of The (Right) Wing

Nice climate you got there… would be a shame if something happened to it.

The Moody Blues

It’s like the opening scene of The Usual Suspects but instead of laughing at Del Toro’s farts they’re breathing through their mouth cause Doug Ford just “wrecked the bathroom.”

“Ask your doctor if Cialis is right for you!”

Favourite holiday movie: The Notwithstanding Clause

“Ya’ll ready to go to the Peter Gabriel concert!?!?!”

Every single one of these guys has a “mancave” in their basement

Every single one of these guys has a Fight Club poster in their house

Every single one of these guys has more than one house

The giggle Andrew Scheer is struggling to suppress in this photo is more joy than all of the other men around him have ever experienced in their adult lives, combined

Siri, show me who watches the CFL

These are the guys who go on that Hedonism 2 trip your local classic rock radio station is always pushing.

Siri, show me a Munk Debate audience

Seriously, who the fuck is that guy on the right?!?!

You deserve the best representation in Family Court and we know, since we’ve all been there

After this photo was taken Doug Ford put Andrew Scheer on his shelf to look over his kids until Christmas comes around

None of these guys actually know how to spell ‘resistance’


We finally found out who likes the Eagles.

Remember B4-4? This is them now. Feel old yet?

I don’t even want to know the combined number of times these men have used the term “non-whites.”

Why does every single one of these men look like they could have been the asshole vice principal at your high school

These are the guys that get mad at dogs running around a park off their leash.

Doug is fucking PEAKING and just barely holding it together

When Cellino & Barnes goes bad

When you walk into the room after arriving late to the local country club’s gangbang night

“In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.”

Doug definitely gave all these guys nicknames they didn’t want right? Like Scheer was Pipsqueek, Pallister was Tiny. Kenney was Don Quitoxe. And he forgot about that guy on the right.

Wait, didn’t one of these guys coach the Ottawa Senators?

Seriously did that fucking guy on the right just wander in there from the street?!?!

This picture has a combined Uber rating of 2.38.

All of these guys have been called “Mamma’s Special Boy” at least once in their life.

Mayonnaise focus group.

Welcome to the biannual general meeting for Men Who Condescendingly Address Retail Workers By Their Nametags


Meet the Men Who Call Their Wives ‘Mother’

This picture tips 12.5%

“By your powers combined, I am Captain Manlet!”


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