After he was sexually assaulted, photographer Robert Tennent eliminated sex from his life for some time. Now he’s releasing a book and exhibition, focused on his rediscovery and exploration of sexual intimacy.
Come Back to Bed is a series of anonymous, but intimate photographs of the lovers he’s taken since the assault. For Tennent, he says it was a gradual process of reclaiming sexual experience on his own terms—and the trust he placed in his partners was mimicked by them entrusting him with their photographs.
VICE: Hi Robert. Can you start with just telling me why you started the project?
Robert Tennent: It was five months after I was sexually assaulted. So I was sexually assaulted in January, and around June and July—in those five months I didn’t have sex with anyone, I was celibate. I didn’t go on dates or anything, and then I thought, “How long is this going to last? How long until I’m comfortable being with someone again?” So I went on a couple dates and it was when I was in Sydney that I met a guy, we just instantly clicked. He was the first person I had sex with after my assault, which was hard and confusing because feelings I associated with rape came back. It was like, ' it shouldn’t feel like this,' but it was also okay, because he knew all about it. He was really nice and made me feel really comfortable. Afterward, I asked, “Can I take a photo of you?” And he said, “Yeah sure, just don’t show my face.” So I took a photo of him.
With the next guy, I did the exact same thing. We just woke up and I asked, “Could I take a photo of you?” And he said, “Yeah sure.” It wasn’t until October when I had maybe a collection of five different people. I thought, These guys mean so much to me, so I started writing and I was writing about the experiences. I didn’t write about the sex, for me, it was so much more than that: these people were my friends that helped me get to where I am now.
So it was partly a way of rebuilding: like, how do you create sexual intimacy after an experience like that?
How to overcome my fear of sex, my fear of men and trust. I wouldn’t say my advice after an assault is to do what I did, but for me, it helped. Because I never thought I’d be able to have careless sex or go out and meet someone and have sex with them and then leave. It introduced a whole new way of having sex.
Was there an element of their trusting you with their photograph, in the same way, you were trusting them with your safety and your story?
I definitely would say that. Some of them aren’t in the book, but they still trust me to have the photos and share the photos with them. And some of them, I've trusted them with my camera, and to take photographs of me also.
I went through the process of emailing all of them the photos and I said, “Can I use this? Would you like me to remove any of this?” I wanted faces in it originally, but because of their jobs or current partners, they wouldn’t let that happen, which was fine. So I removed tattoos and cut off faces and cropped it differently. Now I think it’s 13 people since my assault, they all knew about it they all helped me through that and that’s where we are now.
There is much more conversation right now about sexual assault and how common an experience it is. But I don’t feel like there’s heaps of conversation about what life’s like afterward, or sexuality after sexual assault.
Yes. It wasn’t my fault it happened at all. But I have a philosophy where everything that’s going to happen to us, is going to happen to us regardless of what we do. Whatever I said, wore, did, how much I drank wasn’t going to affect one person’s decision to do what they did. That helped me to be like, okay, well it happened. It’s so shit that it happened to me but how am I going to not let it get the best of me? Where am I going from here?
How do you think the whole process overall helped in recovery or moving forward?
I now can trust. I don’t want to say I’ll be more careful, because it wasn’t my fault. I don’t want to say I can see signs, because that stuff you never can predict. But I think me as a person I’ve been happier much more open, my relationships have been more honest. After this people are going to know. I have been vocal on social media about the assault, but after this people will know I don’t want them to see me as a weaker person. Because I think what I’m doing and what a lot of other people are doing—speaking out about it—is not a weak thing. It’s very brave and powerful. Survivors don’t owe us their stories, but those that do come out with their stories hopefully can help someone else deal with their assault.
That brings us to my last question, do you have any hopes for how people respond or what they might take away from it?
There are going to be negative thoughts: “He’s just a whore.” You can think that, or you can see it as a journey. It was a part of me, I was 18, just turned 18 when it happened. I look at it more as a journey to where I am now. I set out to do the book until I found someone that would make me stop it. Now that I’ve found someone I’m ready to end the book with, it’s a full circle from being with someone I hated, [who] when I see them I just freeze—to someone now that makes me so comfortable and so looked after and makes me feels like it’s only him and I when we’re together. So it’s complete polar opposites, starting from something so awful and sad to end with something so special and real and genuine.
So you’re still with one of them, the final guy?
Yup! He’ll be at the exhibition.
Come Back to Bed will begin showing on 22 May at 4 Cross Street. The book is available to order here.