Remembering the Whizzinator, America’s Favorite Fake Plastic Penis

Most of the known methods for beating drug tests—flushing your system with fluids, herbal teas, pills, additives, and other home remedies of varying efficacy—mirror the tests themselves. You put something in your system, and then you put something else in your system to conceal it.

Some circumstances, however, demand a more elaborate solution. For observed drug tests, dropping an oxidizer in your sample or emptying a vial of urine taped to the inside of your thigh won’t do. You have to fool not only the chemical analysis but also the actual live human being paid to watch you pee.

Enter the Whizzinator, a superlatively ridiculous device briefly made famous by former NFL player Onterrio Smith that operates on an entirely different premise: Rather than work with your existing anatomy, what if you had a new one?

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