When Musicians Attack

We've all been there. Just hanging out on a raised platform in Las Vegas wearing a white suit and leather boots when you, totally accidentally, fall over in such an awkward akimbo sprawl that you accidentally tea bag two women standing below you. It happens to the best of us, and last night it happened to Miguel, America’s newest R&B crooner.

By misjudging a cheeky leap during his performance of “Adorn” at the Billboard awards, Miguel slipped and landed on top of two audience babes. But, you know what, I’m not going to blame Miguel, Imma blame those audience babes, because Miguel’s Twitter bio issues a pretty clear warning. “I’m trouble,” it says. Yeah, you heard the man: you should have been prepared for his Reese's Pieces to come flying towards you.

It's not the first time an artist has attacked their audience, although few altercations have been as ball-based. I dug up some equally embarrassing attacks from the last few years. Herewith, my pick of the best:

5. The One When Amy Winehouse Was A Real Dick

Back in 2008, a fan tried to take a picture of Amy Winehouse outside her home in Camden. Because she was quite a famous girl, you’d think she would have just smiled and got on with unloading groceries from the boot of her beamer or whatever else she had planned for her afternoon. Instead, she thumped the fan in the back of his head. That is why she was the best.

4. The One When Akon Rocked A Slightly Rapey Vibe

If you’re going to embarrass someone, you should do it properly. That’s lesson No.1 from Akon, the man who once pulled a 15-year-old child onto his stage, stripped him of his vest top, threw him over his shoulder and then chucked him back into the crowd. As if things couldn’t get any worse, the child landed on a woman and gave her concussion. As the expression goes, you can hit two birds with one talentless autotuned thug.

3. The One When Axl Rose Did An Assault

But how about hitting four birds with one stone and one case of property damage. Those were the charges levelled against Axl Rose after he jumped onto a fan who was trying to film a gig he played in 1991. To be honest, it was better that it happened back then, when Rose was still relatively slight. If he tried that today there would've been fatalities.

2. The One When Keith Richards Was A Paranoid Weirdo

Picture the scene. It’s 1981, you’ve just watched The Rolling Stones perform in Virginia and you get a bit excited. You rush to the stage, expecting a hug or a handshake or a alternative salutation. Instead, you’re met by Keith Richards who smashes his guitar over your head, plugs it back in and keeps playing. You’d be a bit confused, wouldn’t you? You’d wonder why he dunnit? Keith, in a later interview, explained his actions: “What if he had a fucking gun in his hand? Or a knife? I mean he might be a fan, he might be a nutter and he’s on my turf. I’m gonna chop the mother down.” Fair enough.

1. The One Where Courtney Love Landed Herself A Huge Medical Bill

I love Courtney Love. I don’t know whether it’s the fact that she once created a Manga comic called Princess Ai or because she’s currently in an NJOY electric cigarette commercial, but I can’t help but think she always gets it right. Even when she whacked a fan over the head with her microphone in 2004, she managed to recover gracefully (well, as gracefully as an assailant can recover) by pleading guilty and offering to pay the fan’s $2,236 medical bill. Why? Because it struck her as “a little un-American when you plead to do something you didn’t do.” What a fucking patriot.

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