Your Birthday Party Will Never Be as Good as Stormzy’s Birthday Party

Exclusive Adidas merch, endless burgers, and a cake the size of a small island...
July 27, 2016, 11:22am

What did you do for your last birthday? Have a few tinnies in the park while your girlfriend played “Re-Rewind” on her portable iPod speakers until you got kicked out at 11 PM? Queued up for two hours outside the only establishment in your one club town until you got too drunk, sicked all your lunch down someone’s neck, cried and went home? Karaoke at Rowans, was it? Alone at home with some cheap red wine and some Celine Dion deep cuts? Whatever it was, let's face it: it was nowhere near the level of Stormzy’s birthday party at Thorpe Park yesterday, which was the kind of party you write about at primary school when your teacher asks you what you’d do if you won the lottery and money become no object.

For those who don't already know the story, Stormzy hired out the park for himself, a bunch of fans, and a load of his friends. Adidas provided shitloads of merch, Nandos cooked up an endless supply of merky burgers, and a bunch of artists (including Stormzy) performed. Oh, and his cake was the size of a small Greek island. Obviously it was very, very lit. And because of that extreme level of heat, the entire thing was plastered over social media, which we're going to present to you right now:

Thankyou @parns for such an epic day yesterday! In the history of birthday parties, @Stormzy1 wins!
pic.twitter.com/kJyMVMI6vn

— Sian Welby (@Sianwelby) July 27, 2016

Goody bags by @adidas yessss!! #StormzyBirthdayBash pic.twitter.com/qgBcAsD6xJ

— THORPE PARK Resort (@THORPEPARK) July 26, 2016

Last night was maddd @Stormzy1#stormzybirthdaybash pic.twitter.com/qqz9YnRzaO

— ella✨ (@ellaokay)

July 27, 2016

Oh, you thought I was done?#StormzyBirthdayBash AJ Tracey shelling pic.twitter.com/nafbJGo2sV

— Austin (@AustinDarbo) July 27, 2016

Wilfried Zaha playing football at Stormzy birthday bash#CPFC pic.twitter.com/FFiPOfGlYU

— Crystal Palace News (@CpfcNews_) July 26, 2016

LIVE on #Periscope: #StormzysBirthdayBash at Thorpe Park https://t.co/uuWzE1VUie

— DMODeejay (@DMODeejay) July 26, 2016

Sorry, who is Stormzy and why is he at @THORPEPARK for his birthday, hiring out the whole place? #haveimissedsomething

— Lita Russell (@LitaRussell89) July 26, 2016