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Too $hort Finally Brings Pimping To NYC

I was star-struck in this weird way that let me become quickly comfy enough to tell Too $hort that I masturbated to his music when I was little.

Adam Gong, Too $hort, and Kelly McClure.

Whenever I interview a celebrity or big time musician, the main thing I’m concerned about is that they intensely like me and that I earn their approval either verbally or non-verbally, so it was no skin off my ass to be made to wait for Too $hort in the lobby of the Dream hotel in Manhattan for damn near an hour. Me and Adam, the English photographer whose accent was so thick I basically just stared at him when he spoke making that polite “I basically have no idea what you’re saying” nod, sat on a big gold couch against a window, facing the door, afraid to get up even to use the potty, knowing that Too $hort could waltz in at any moment, and when he did, smelling of you know what (pot), I was starstruck in this weird way that let me become quickly comfy enough to tell him that I masturbated to his music when I was little.

Too $hort is an Oakland-based rapper who, aside from becoming hugely successful and infamous for well crafted, pervy raps, had never played a full show in New York until last week’s shows in Brooklyn at Knitting Factory. I know that my editors sent me to interview $hort because they thought it would be funny, and it totally was. Oh, and he stared directly at my lips the whole time he was talking to me, but I didn’t catch him looking at my big booty once, which I was bummed about.

VICE: So these are your first shows ever in New York? How can that be?
Too $hort: This is my first time ever performing a Too $hort show in New York. New Yorkers never really liked Too $hort. At last night’s show I noticed that a lot of people knew the music, so I asked, “How many people here are from New York?” And like five people raised their hands. They were all from somewhere else, living in New York.

Read the rest at VICE.