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Music

Everyone Can Stop Rapping Now Because Chris Brown, Tyga, and Schoolboy Q Have Made the Perfect Song

It's about bitches! And marijuana!!

America's sweetheart Chris Brown (who was convicted of felony assault on a woman) and Kanye's least favorite playdate pal Tyga (who named himself after his choice cereal mascot) are making a rap album together. Why? Because sometimes you get bored with life and need to find new and creative ways to make people hate you. Just look at their fucking album cover above and tell me it wasn't done as some sort of long-troll attempt. It looks like the 90s went into anaphylactic shock while doing heroin on the set of Zoom. Anyway, apparently this album is called Fan Of A Fan The Album, because Fan Of A Fan was the name of the same-sex mixtape Tyga and Chris Brown made in 2010 and it's hard to come up with new ideas in only 1,825 days.

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But if you expected the songs from this album to sound the way the cover looks, you're in for a surprise! Their newest song with Schoolboy Q is called "Bitches N Marijuana" and it's really good—in the same way that a hot dog tastes "really good." Considering it's a paint-by-numbers attempt at making a rap song, the final version isn't the worst thing you could listen to. Chris Brown is his typical terrible self, rapping about how you shouldn't send him nudes because his phones are tapped, and expressing his love for keeping bitches on a leash. Tyga does just little enough with his rapping to not force you to close the tab out of hatred, and Schoolboy Q's verse sounds like a cleared cheque.

The song is obviously a concept, centred around a female drug dealer who has gone away to jail, giving the drug money to her husband so he can start a record label. The record label ends up becoming the biggest home for rap in the world, run by a ruthless CEO who signed two of his three sons to record deals. Upon exiting jail, the heroin goes on a quest to take back what's rightfully hers, not knowing that her ex-husband is suffering from ALS and is about to die. Wait, never mind, that's Empire. I just turned this song off and started watching Empire.

Slava Pastuk fucking loves Empire, talk to him about it on Twitter - @SlavaP