Pussy Riot at Riot Fest: Will Anyone Care?

[Update: Since publication, Pussy Riot have clarified that they will in fact NOT be performing music at this year's Riot Fest, rendering this article presumptuosly stupid and a waste of your time. They will announce what exactly they'll be doing at the festival soon.]

Last night, Riot Fest dropped their much-hyped lineup for this year’s stop in Chicago. And much like past years, the travelling music festival/carnival went for the “Holy Shit” factor.

They’ve basically got the recipe for a “Holy Shit” stew down to a science…

They start with a base of old punk festival staples like NOFX, Descendents, and Dropkick Murphys for the “Yeah, That’s A Given” flavor.

Then they add a dash of “I Think I’ve Heard Of Them” with up-and-coming bands like (shameless plug for my friends coming in 3…2…1…) Chumped, PUP, and Ex Friends (check those bands out, they all PayPal me $30 every time I mention them).

Give it a little spice with some “Does This Band Really Belong On This Lineup?” acts like Die Antwoord, the National, and Wu-Tang Clan.

Add a pinch of “Sure, But Why?” with Jane’s Addiction and Cheap Trick and a sprinkling of “OMFG Reunions!” like Mineral and baby, you’ve got a Riot Fest stew going.

But there was one band who conspicuously strayed from the lineup’s tried-and-true recipe: Pussy Riot, who add a certain taste of… hm, what is it called? Ah, yes: “This Is A Fucking Bad Idea.”

Pussy Riot is not a band who should be playing a huge music festival with 30,000 attendees. Pussy Riot is not really a band at all. It is a radical protest group who engages in guerilla-style performances of songs that—let’s just say it out loud—are pretty shitty. That’s not a knock on Pussy Riot. The global attention their performances have drawn to human rights issues in Russia and Putin’s general dickishness has started a necessary international conversation. But can you name a single Pussy Riot song? They’ve never claimed to pride themselves on their musical ability. Their songs are fast, simple, and to-the-point, out of necessity. Much like news articles put the majority of their info in the first two paragraphs because they know people will likely soon stop reading, so too do Pussy Riot frontload their songs to get their point across because they know people will likely soon be beating the shit out of them.

So how will this translate on a giant stage in Chicago, thousands of miles away from Putin? There will likely be a lot of firsts for Pussy Riot. For starters, they’ll be using real equipment with a real sound tech on a real stage, not just little portable amps in front of curious onlookers. Their music also won’t get them pepper sprayed, flogged, or arrested—in fact they’ll actually get paid for their performance and get to hobnob backstage with the Flaming Lips and Patti Smith (who you just know will be dying to meet them). And since they won’t be fearing arrest, Pussy Riot won’t even have to wear their trademark masks. They’ll also have a real set time with a half hour to fill and won’t have their mics cut off and their guitars smashed halfway through the first song. That 30 minutes should be an interesting stretch for the whopping seven songs in their catalog. To put it in internet meme-speak:

But even if Pussy Riot can cull together enough material to fill an entire set, will people even care? Keep in mind, weekend passes for the festival go for upwards of $200. And people damn sure ain’t paying that much to see a bunch of masked women yelling at them in a language they don’t understand. A good chunk of people watching their set will be diehard fans of Taking Back Sunday or the Used, waiting around for those bands to take the stage—and you know how pleasant those types are towards opening bands. Pussy Riot is used to playing for hostile audiences who don’t want to see them. But trust me when I say that the Russian police are nothing compared to irate Bring Me The Horizon fans.

Riot Fest is also something of a carnival too, featuring rides and side attractions. How will a protest band go over in front of thousands of people just looking to have a good time on a weekend getaway? Will their minute-long songs against Putin come off as silly in the context of a well-organized festival with a ferris wheel? Did you hear that, Putin? A ferris wheel! Take that, you sexist pig!

None of this is a dig at Riot Fest. It’s become the most daring of any of the bigger festivals. I talked to the organizer, Mike Petryshyn, last year and as far as punk ethos goes, the dude just gets it. He’s not trying to mimic the Warped Tour or Coachella, he’s trying to keep people on their toes and give them a diverse and unique experience that's also fun. And if you’re looking for some punk gossip, I will say too that he is also very privately and very admirably philanthropic with the festival’s profits.

So who knows. Maybe Mike will successfully create a conducive environment for Pussy Riot. Maybe I'm just a presumptuous idiot and they won't be playing music at all and they'll just get the interactive panel treatment. Maybe, in true Pussy Riot fashion, they can play in the parking lot or something. Maybe Nadya and Masha will be able to generate an open dialogue and engage with a politically-minded audience through performance art. Or maybe the crowds, at the very least, will be politely respectful.

It’ll be interesting to see how this goes over. And even if it’s a colossal failure for Riot Fest, hey, they’ve also got Slayer and corn dogs.

Dan Ozzi likes Slayer and corn dogs. Follow him on Twitter - @danozzi

Also check out:

Help This Guy Who Went to Riot Fest Find His Missed Connection

John Stamos Will Be at This Year's Riot Fest (As a Butter Sculpture, Anyway)