I Wrote an Article About Basic Bitches at Coachella and Pissed off (Some of) the Internet

Your basic reactions to the author's basic bitches article, ranked on a sliding scale of: #NVM, #LOL, #SAME, #SUS, or #BRB.

by Kayla Monetta

April 20, 2014, 5:59pm

Last week, I wrote an article called “The Basic Bitches' Guide To Coachella 2014.” A lot of people had a lot of opinions and feelings and thoughts and feelings and feeeeeeeeelings about it. The guide was 100% honest, true, and how I legitimately feel about music festivals and Lana Del Rey being questionably fat. I don’t understand why people thought it was hilarious OR “v disgusting.” I am even shocked that anyone would think that this was a satirical piece, because I was being really ~~real~~ the entire time.

The Internet was upset/stoked, so I decided to grade their reactions on a sliding scale of: #NVM, #LOL, #SAME, #SUS, or #BRB.

Let’s do this.

A self proclaimed, “swag ambassador” aka Urban Outfitters employee- who, out of embarrassment, later changed his name to “Personal Penetration Instructor at Go Fuck Yourself” took to a war in Vice’s Facebook comment section. Since then, the penetration instructor has removed his comments- probably due to the fact that he made the horrible mistake of saying that he worked at Urban Outfitters, which is basically admitting to having a #deep connection with BDG.

#BRB because this comment probably took you longer to write than it took me to talk about how basic Coachella is.

People were angry.

#SAME. Because, maybe I am, I don’t know, whatever, #BRB.

#LOL because I literally (re: LITERALLLLYYYYY) am, but #SUS that you found it.

#NVM. “lmao not even once.”

You hung out with The Dum Dum Girls? TELL DEE DEE I LOVE HER OUTFITS! JEALZ 4 RL. #SAME.

No idea what this means, but I’m going to give this comment a #BRB while I figure it out. RIP Kreayshawn & normcore.

Basic Bitches Guide to SXSW 2015. #SAME.

This comment is v #SUS. Did you go to Coachella? Oh wait, you’re being sarcastic! Wait are you? How can you be at home “not doing anything?” You have to be doing something! Adam, you’re silly. I’m confused.